Page 1 of Could Have Been Us
Chapter 1
Stella
“You don’t have to do this, Stella. We can . . . we can find a way,” Jack says as I wipe the tears from my cheeks.
“We don’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“Not an easy one.” My eyes are on the tiny baby in my arms.
No matter how much I wish I could keep her, I won’t. There are a million reasons neither of our options are great, but to change our minds now would end disastrously. My father has made it clear that, if I keep her, I’m cut off completely. No family. No friends. No help from any one of my siblings or he’ll cut them off. I am not to bethatgirl. The one who has a baby at eighteen, not his daughter. Then, when I cried, said I didn’t care, he went for the only other thing that could’ve hurt me—Jack.
He’ll destroy his future, make sure that he can’t get a job in the town. He already has no family, so seeing everything he’s worked for taken from him isn’t something I can endure.
We were stupid that night. We made a mistake, and this is our penance.
Jack touches her fingers. I’ve already counted all ten, kissed them too. She’s a perfect little girl who fits in my arms, just as she was designed to do.
“No, but this isn’t about what’s easy.”
I look up at him. His dark brown hair is in disarray because he raced to get here in time from his college, and his hazel eyes are filled with confliction over having to do what we agreed on seven months ago.
“No, it’s not about what’s easy, it’s about her,” I say, hating the words as I speak them.
“She’s our daughter. I’ll leave school, and we can figure out how to raise her.”
A new wave of tears comes. I thought this would be easier. How naïve I was. I’ve been in Georgia the last four months, not able to see anyone from Willow Creek Valley as I hid the pregnancy. All I’ve done is plan for how I would survive this, and now that it’s here, I don’t think I will. Not without a lifetime of pain, at least.
“I’m eighteen,” I remind him.
Jack gets to his feet, pacing the room. “I know that. I know all of it, but now she’s here.”
“And you’re in grad school. We’ve talked about this, Jack. We’ve gone over this because...”
He looks at me with heartache. “We’d have to tell Grayson.”
Yes, my brother. His best friend in the whole world. The one person who has always been there for him but who can never know the truth.
We’re lying to ourselves.
Lying that it was just a kiss, which became so much more as we were both lost, searching for someone else to make it okay. And now, the biggest lie of all, a baby that we are going to give to another family to love.
“Grayson isn’t the only reason. Do you want this? Do you want to be a father right now?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “No, but we made a baby.”
“We did, and we made the choice to have her and give her the life she deserves. Just outside there are two people who will love our daughter. People who have their lives together, a family, a home, and can give her a future that we can’t. People who aren’t two kids who aren’t dating but got carried away and forgot a condom. Not to mention, my father will take everything, Jack. Everything and . . . I’m just . . . I need to do what’s right for her and not think about us. It’s not about our wants.”
Even though I want him to just love me.
Jack sighs deeply. “They have no idea the gift they’re getting.”
Misty and Samuel Elkins are nice people who already have a nursery set up, complete with pink bumpers and an elephant mobile. They’ve bought clothes, a car seat, and diapers. We’ve been to their house and they have spent hours talking to us and creating a plan that Jack and I could live with. They are well aware of what we’re giving up.
I close my eyes, nuzzling the baby and kissing her forehead. “Misty will love Kinsley. She’ll be the mother I can’t be. This may break me, but it’s the best thing for her. We both know it.” I place my other hand on her chest, feeling her rapid heartbeat.
Jack comes to my side, his large hand resting on mine. “If it’s right, why does it feel so hard?”
