Page 66 of Return to Us
Dr. Warvel nods once and then gets to her feet. “Okay, you have about thirty minutes left in the session, so you’re welcome to stay here or, if you want, you can leave, that’s fine too. I’m going to catch up on some things.”
She walks over to her desk, grabs her iPad, and starts tapping away.
Great, I’m not only angry, broken, and a damn mess, I’m also wasting Jacob’s money.
Could I feel any worse? No. I don’t think that’s possible.
I’m being a baby. That’s the truth of it. “I told him I wanted to try,” I say softly, but I know she heard.
Dr. Warvel sets the iPad down and heads back to the seat she usually occupies. “And he rejected you?”
I nod. “He said he knows I won’t stay and he has to protect his daughter.”
“Sounds like he’s a great dad.”
“Far better than mine ever was.”
She inclines her head. “Maybe he was protecting you by not giving you a choice.”
“Or himself.”
Dr. Warvel doesn’t say a word, she just watches me, and I start to fidget.
“What?”
“We often create truths from the experiences we have as children. They aren’t true all the time, but our minds deem them to be so. For example, your father left you, therefore you believe that people leave, which is why you left Grayson, right?”
“I guess.”
She clasps her hands in front of her, leaning forward. “Jessica, why did you leave him?”
“Because I wanted to . . .”
I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to leave him before he could leave me and I wouldn’t be hurt and broken. He was the one thing in the world I didn’t want to lose, so I gave him away.
My eyes open wider, and my breath hitches.
“Tell me,” she urges. I feel the moisture running down my cheeks as I say that entire thought aloud. Dr. Warvel extends the box of tissues. “It’s not easy to work through our pasts and change the way we think, but Grayson has endured people he loves leaving him too.”
His father in a sense, me, Yvonne . . . we all left him.
“I don’t want to hurt him. I still love him.”
She gives me a sad smile. “Love is a gift when given freely, but it can also be painful when taken back. You both have to have trust and openness. If your headaches were gone and you were cleared to fly, would you take flight or stay grounded beside him?”
Two parts of my soul start playing tug of war. “I don’t know.”
“And that’s the answer that scares him.”
It also terrifies me.
* * *
Stella rushes into my office. “Oh, good! You’re here. Thank God.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Ineedyou to help me.”
