Page 90 of Stay for Me
Jacob
“What is your issue?” Sydney asks as she sits next to me at the table.
“Huh?”
“You’re not yourself tonight.”
I push the food around on my plate, thinking about Brenna. After the weekend her kids were away, we’ve barely found time for each other. Two nights ago, we met out by the creek again. She didn’t have a lot of time, so we just sat around talking, laughing, and fooling around.
I’m aching with need for her. It’s not normal, and I’m starting to freak the fuck out about how I feel.
But when I walked her back, it was like something was different. The excuses for why we can’t work started to slip away. I saw a chance that I didn’t think I would ever have, and it has me fucked in the head.
I only have three months left here, and I don’t know that I can keep my heart from her.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
She leans forward and hums. “I see. So, you’re thinking about a redhead with a killer smile.”
“I sometimes wonder if I didn’t do Declan dirty by telling him to get back with you.”
Her smile is devilish. “If he’s suffering, he deserves it.”
I can’t argue with her there. “It’s fine, Syd. Everything is fine. I’m just tired, trying to do right by these kids, and I have a call with Noah tonight.”
Sydney reaches out, placing her hand on my arm. “Jacob, you know that I’m not blind and that this town has the ability to hold a secret as well as a bird keep its feet on the ground. People are talking. You’ve been back three months, and you’ve spent most of that with Brenna.”
“Of course, they are! Brenna and I are . . .”
“Are what?”
“We’re friends.”
She nods slowly, watching me. “I’ve known you my whole life, Jacob.”
“I’m aware of this.”
“Right, but Iknowyou. Maybe not the way I know Declan, but I’d like to think out of all your brothers, I was closest in friendship to you. Sean has always been the kindhearted one. Declan was the protector, and Connor was the baby. But you, you were a different kind of protector. Where Declan was trying to navigate how to be the responsible one, you were the sheepdog, making sure the flock was safe. You’d take the hit if it meant that they didn’t have to.”
I lean back, not wanting a trip down memory lane but also not stupid enough to stop Sydney. She scares me slightly. “Where are you going with this?”
“It’s still who you are at the very core of you. You’re doing it now without even knowing it. You’re keeping everyone safe, even if it means you’re miserable.”
I glare at her. “Syd, I love you, but you’re so far off base here.”
“Am I? I don’t think so. You’ve never had serious relationships, and not just because of the accident either. And now, you’re lying about your feelings and what you want most in your life to protect Brenna and yourself.”
“I’m not lying. In fact, I’m being so fucking honest it’s ridiculous.”
Not once have I lied to Brenna. I’ve told her how it is even when I wanted to lie to myself and believe it could be more. The dinner at her house changed the dynamic between us. We weren’t talking about movies and stupid shit. She opened up in a way that was far more than I ever expected. We went from being two people hooking up to something more. Whether we meant it to happen or not.
“Maybe you think that. Maybe you don’t really love Brenna. Maybe you do. I see the way you look at her when you don’t think anyone is watching. I know that the two of you are in a world of trouble because I’m pretty sure she loves you too.”
I open my mouth to rebuke her statement, but she puts her hand up.
“Don’t argue with me. I know women, and I know when someone is lying. You know it as surely as you know that she’s not just this random hookup you’re trying to pretend she is. No matter what, I worry about you, Jacob.”
I give Syd that smile that’s worked for me for years. “The only thing to worry about is when you’ll finally be able to make some money off the portion of my land.”
