Page 91 of Stay for Me
She sighs, looks over at the kitchen door, and then turns back to me. “You’re still going to sell your part?”
Oh, not her too. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because your mother wouldn’t want you to.”
The blow comes like a fist to the gut. Sydney has never been one to hold back, but that was low, even for her. My mother is the only thing that would stop me from selling, and I think she knows that.
“My mother is gone, as you so clearly pointed out.”
“Yes, she is.” Her hand grips my wrist. “She’s gone, but the land and the farm lives on. I know that you four all think of it as your father’s farm, but maybe that’s where it all went wrong. It was your mother’s farm. Her heart and soul went into this place. She raised her four wonderful sons here. Sure, your dad tarnished it as much as he could, but she’s still here, Jacob. You know, I always thought your mother was the most brilliant woman in the world. She gave you all this key to living.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sydney sighs. “The truth about an arrow. Sure, you all bitched when she forced you to say it, but look at how absolutely incredible your sayings were. You were kids when she saw your flaws and gave you all the words and advice you needed to survive life.”
“I don’t even know what the fuck mine means!”
She leans back in her chair and takes a beat. “Removing half the feather creates the curve. The answer is right there, Jacob.”
“Women make this shit complicated. What curve? What feathers? Remove what? It was my mother’s way of torturing her boys and then making it seem like wisdom. You know what curve I got? A right hook or an upper cut from the man she married. Or maybe it was when she died and left us in the hands of a man who would rather we had died instead of her.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Sydney’s lip trembles, and I feel like an ass.
“No, please don’t apologize. It’s me who needs to say it to you. I’m just pissed off, and you don’t deserve my being a dick. There’s a lot on my mind, and . . . I need to go for a walk.”
Her smile is soft and understanding. “I figured you might.”
I lean down and kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry, Syd. You know I love you.”
She gets to her feet and winks. “I know. I love you too. Go see your mom.”
On the walk out to the gravesite, I think through what Sydney said. Would my mother feel this way? Would she want me to stay here or keep the land even if I never come back to it? I’d like to think her heart would want whatever made me happy, but what the hell do I know? I was a kid when I lost her. I’ve spent more of my life without her than with.
When I get to the small fence that surrounds her headstone, I see my brother get to his feet.
“Hey, Jacob,” Sean says as he walks toward me.
“I didn’t know you were out here.”
He looks back at the flowers lying on the ground. “I come every now and then. Usually when there’s something on my mind.”
“What brought you out today?”
Sean claps me on the shoulder with a smile. “Devney’s pregnant.”
My sour mood evaporates and I grin. “Really? That’s amazing.”
“Yeah. It is, but I’m scared as fuck.”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “You’re already a great father to Austin. Plus, if any of us should have kids, it’s you.”
“It’s different. Like, this is half of me.”
“That’s sort of the way it works. How far along is she?”
“She was pregnant at the wedding.”
“I thought she was glowing,” I comment.
