Page 102 of Stay for Me
“Most women are when it comes to men.”
That’s the damn truth. “I’m sorry that you’ve had to hear all this from other people.”
She taps my thigh and then stands. “I knew that one day you’d find someone else, I just hoped I’d be dead by then.”
“Sylvia!” I say with a laugh.
“I’m kidding. If Jacob is who makes you happy and he’s good to my grandbabies, then don’t let a little old lady’s issues stand in your way.” Her eyes go to the photo of Luke that sits on my dresser.
We only have one life, and I know more than anyone how short it really is.
* * *
Jacob and Sebastian are walking toward the house, and I stop, staring at the sight of them. Sebastian looks so happy, and I swear what could be my life flashes before me.
It would be so easy to have a life with Jacob. To love, argue, be happy and also struggle. It wouldn’t be rainbows all the time, but the trials and tribulations would make us stronger. It’s the tough times that prove the strength we have to overcome. At this point, I should be Hercules.
Lord knows it’s going to take a herculean effort not to chase after this man.
My talk with Sylvia still lingers in my head, and I wonder if he could ever let himself build a life with me. If he could see how wonderful he is or how much love he has to give because Jacob is one of the best men I’ve ever known. I could tell him all this, beg him to stay and love me, to try to give us a chance, but I know more than anyone that the desire to change has to come from within. He has to want for things to be different. My telling him isn’t going to do anything but drive a wedge between us.
I promised him that I wouldn’t demand more. I have to keep my word.
Jacob’s eyes never leave mine as they make their way over. My heart is racing, and I wish I could walk to him and kiss him senseless and negate the statement I just made.
“Hey, Mom!”
I break our hold and smile at my son. “Hey, dude.”
“I got a huge fish.”
I shudder. “Great.”
“I’m going to clean up now.” He turns to Jacob. “Thanks for going fishing with me again.”
“Anytime.”
He gives him a hug and then sighs. “I’ll miss you when you leave.”
Jacob clasps his shoulder. “We’re going to be friends for a long time, Sebastian.”
Sebastian runs off, leaving me alone with Jacob. We were planning to sneak away later tonight once the kids were asleep, but now I’m not so sure that’s smart. Today has been a day full of truths I wasn’t prepared for. My mother-in-law telling me that I’ve been pretty stupid was a lot, and it spiraled from there. I found an old shirt of Luke’s, put it on, and sat at the edge of my bed, wondering what I was doing.
Not just why I was wearing the shirt, but why I was doing everything else.
Then I thought about Jacob and how much I care for him. I took the shirt off, looked at it, and wondered if Luke would approve of what I was doing.
I want to think he would, but do I believe that because it’s what I want to believe or because it is the truth?
All of it was weighing so heavily, making it hard to breathe, but then I saw Jacob, and it lifted.
Like the world doesn’t feel so heavy when I’m standing in front of him.
“Hi,” I say a little breathless and uneasy because I’m not sure what to say.
Jacob looks behind me, and then, when he speaks, the weight increases. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
My eyes widen, and I feel as though this is going to be what does me in. I’m going to be crushed in a few minutes. “Do what?”
