Page 135 of The One for Me
Her words hit me in the chest like a boulder. This is what she has been asking of me and I’ve been unable to do it. She can’t move here because of him, and I can’t ask her to because I love her more than anything.
She has to put him first, just as I have to do that for her.
I look to her, tears falling freely down her cheeks. “Love is a sacrifice that we make at the expense of our own wants. We think of the other person’s needs before our own and act knowing that, even if it hurts us, it’s what we need to do.” Devney’s lip trembles, and I focus back on Austin. “If she didn’t love you the way she did, she would’ve made different choices that maybe would have meant you never played baseball. Maybe you would’ve stayed in Colorado, and who knows where you would all be. I know you’re in pain, but you have the most amazing gift of all. You had two parents who loved you as though you were theirs, and you have your mother here, getting to love you with her whole heart.”
“It was all a lie. Everyone lied to me. They weren’t my parents.”
I lean down so we’re eye to eye. “What makes a parent isn’t just where you come from, Austin. I had the most amazing mother and the worst father imaginable. He was cruel and hit me and my brothers because he was so angry and hated himself. I would’ve given anything to have someone like Jasper as my dad.”
“You wouldn’t have hit me,” he says as he stares at Devney.
“No, but I couldn’t have given you anything close to what your parents could, and that’s what they were, Austin. They were your mother and father. I know it’s hard to understand, and I’m so sorry you’re learning about it like this, but I know you believe that I love you and that they loved you too.”
He looks down and nods. “I do.”
“And in your heart, you know I will always be here for you.”
He shakes his head again. “I just don’t understand, and I’m . . . sad.”
She puts her finger under his chin and lifts it. “And that’s okay. There are still times when I don’t understand stuff, and I’m a grown-up. Days that I struggled so hard when I had to drop you off at home, but then I remembered that you were in the best place. You were so loved and happy and I got to be with you anytime I wanted. Your mom and dad never told me no when it came to being with you. All the things we did, we did because the three of us loved you so much, and we always put you first. Do you know how lucky you were to have them too?”
“Would you have ever told me?”
Her shoulders slump a bit. “I don’t know . . . I like to think I would have, and I thought about it. It was your seventh birthday, and you were so sick you couldn’t get out of bed, do you remember?”
“Yes.”
“You had to go to the hospital, and they wouldn’t let anyone in other than the parents. It was the first time I hated that I couldn’t tell anyone that I was also your parent, but I knew it was a selfish reaction. Your mom and I talked about telling you around a certain age, but . . . I don’t know, Austin. I might have told you, but we may never have either. If your mom and dad were alive right now, we definitely wouldn’t be having this conversation, but a part of me is glad you know. You are my son. You’re my whole world, and there’s nothing I won’t give up for you.”
Including me.
She’s being his mother just like she’s always been, choosing the welfare of her child over herself.
It’s what my mother would’ve done.
Austin looks back to Devney and wipes his nose on his arm. “I’m sorry I ran away, Aunt Devney.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your heart.”
The two of them sit there, looking at the other. How I never saw their resemblance before is beyond me. They are mirror images right now. Both broken, scared, and afraid of trusting what could be.
“Austin,” I say, hoping to ease the tension, “there is nothing I would’ve given to have someone love me like a mother would after I lost mine. You have a gift right in front of you. Someone who loves you, has been there for you, and will always be. You can be angry and hurt, but you can also know that your parents loved you so much that, if they were ever gone, they wanted you to be with Devney. You can choose to let this destroy how special your bond is or you can figure it out together.”
His brown eyes look to me, and while they are heavy with sadness, there is also a spark of hope in them. He loves his aunt. He always has, and now there’s a new dynamic to them, one that is more complicated than just grief. It’ll take time, but they will be able to make it through it together.
He moves into her arms, and she crushes him to her chest. The two of them cry, holding on to each other. Something wet drips down my own cheek.
She looks up at me and mouths the words,Thank you.
It’s me who should be thanking her. For giving me hope. For giving me love. And for giving me the best few months I’ve ever had, even though it means I won’t get more.
Chapter Forty
Devney
“Is he asleep?” Sean asks as I enter the bedroom.
He’s sitting up, back against the headboard, reading on his phone. I try not to notice how incredibly sexy he looks, but I fail. He always looks this way. No shirt, a dusting of scruff on his face, and hair haphazardly disheveled from running his fingers through it. But it’s the eyes that get me. They’re green with flecks of yellow around the edges and the dark black rim that makes me feel as though I can see into his soul.
