Page 43 of Infinite
She turns around, arms crossed over her chest. “You think I should do it, don’t you?”
“I think you should dosomething.”
“And, yet, a week ago, you were fine with me taking some time off.”
“No, you were fine with not working and said that you wanted no part in IVF.”
“Clearly, Clara didn’t get the memo.”
I get to my feet and head toward her. “Or Clara sees that there is a need for someone who is as smart and as dedicated as you. Someone who feels it is part of who they are to help other people have something they want as badly as you did. Losing our baby was horrible and unfair, but the people who you help are grateful for what you give them.”
“A lot of good it does me, right?”
I wish I could reach inside her and pull out the pain, but it’s not possible. I can’t do anything but sway with her and catch her when she tilts too far. “You act as though you’ve lost everything.”
“I have!”
“You haven’t lost me, your family, your friends . . . all of that is still right here, but you keep pushing us away.”
“Maybe it’s because I want you to leave.”
“Well, too fucking bad, Ash. I’m not going anywhere.”
She bites down on her lip, eyes filled with sadness. “No, I guess you’re not.”
“What does that mean?” My pulse spikes and I know she’s saying something beneath it.
I take two steps but she retreats. “It means I’m tired and need to lie down. Thank you for this talk.”
And my fucking heart breaks.
* * *
Ashton is sound asleep, and I’m . . . pissed.
I’m angry at everything and have been trying so hard to be understanding, but I’m failing. There are only two things that can remotely get me out of this, and the first isn’t going to happen when she can barely look at me.
So running it is.
I tie my shoes, throw my headphones on, and go. I haven’t exercised hard since my kidnapping. I’ve wanted to, but I was afraid to leave her for too long. I’ve been afraid of everything with her.
My legs push on, feet moving the sand as though I’m commanding it to make way. Rage courses through my veins as I go past families enjoying the sun, a woman lying on her towel, a guy walking leisurely with his dog—all of them seeming to look content.
There’s nothing in my body that says anything close to the same. I’m furious. I’ve failed the same woman time and time again.
Ashton is a comet racing across the sky. I can see her—she’s bright, beautiful, and wonderous, but she can’t be caught. She leaves a trail behind her, reminding me that I can keep trying to chase her, but I’ll never be fast enough.
God, how I thought I could be.
I was so close, I had my hand there and then the universe gave her more force to pull away.
Somehow, I find myself back in front of the house, sweat dripping down my face. I tear my shirt off, wipe my face with it, and look up, wondering if she’s still asleep.
I don’t know where we go from here, but I know I have to do something drastic or there won’t be any way to ever get near her heart again. She’s closed herself off to everything she loves—including me.
Then I see a movement in the curtains. In the wall of windows that opens all the way up, I see her silhouette. Her deep red hair is bright against the white and I can’t fucking breathe.
I need her. I need her in a way I’ve never known. As though the last part of me has snapped and we will either recover or we’ll be over. I have to get to her.
