Page 28 of Infinite
“You know that I love you, right?”
Ashton’s eyes widen, and she tries for a smile. “Yes.”
“Then, will you trust me to talk about what happened in there?”
“In where?”
“In the office with Clara.”
Ashton looks away and huffs. “It’s nothing. Well, actually I guess it’s not nothing, but I should tell you anyway. I quit my job. I figure that, if we’re done, I can move back in with my parents until I find something. I’m not sure how you’ll feel, so I’m not assuming anything.”
My head spins at this revelation. She quit her job without a word to me, which was one of her issues with our relationship before I deployed. That we made big changes without discussing them. I’m not mad that she quit because I don’t think she’s even remotely thought it through. She loves her job.
“You didn’t want to talk to me about it?”
“Why would I? We can be done now, Quinn. I’m not pregnant, so there’s no need for you to stick around anymore.”
What the hell is she talking about?
“I don’t care if you’re pregnant, that was never why I came back, and we’re not done.” She sighs loudly and then shifts, but I grip her wrist before she can get away. “No, we are not done. We’re going to talk because I’ve been trying for months to get this far, and we’re sure as fuck not going backward.”
“We’re not going anywhere. You’re okay. I’m alive. We don’t have to do this anymore. I know you love me, and I appreciate that you are trying so hard. I really do, but I think it’s best if I’m on my own for a while.”
I seriously want to throttle her. She thinks I’m going to walk away? Did she not listen to a word I said? “Ashton, I love you. I want to marry you. None of that has changed because we lost our baby.”
“No,Ilost our baby, and it’s changed everything.”
“I know you’re in pain and not thinking clearly.”
She shakes her head. “No, that’s the thing. I laid in your arms last night and all I could think was: this is all going to end, so why not end it on my terms?”
“So, you’re scared?” I ask, and she rips her arm from my grasp.
I may be tired, but there’s no way I’m backing down. If she thinks that I can let this go after all we’ve been through, she doesn’t know me at all.
“No, I’m protecting myself because . . . I can’t take anything else. Anything. I can’t even fucking breathe! It hurts, Quinn! So, whenever it is that you actually look at this entire situation and wake up from your denial, it won’t matter. I will have already saved myself from another round of agony because I won’t be there.”
There is no way she’s leaving me. “Do you think you’re the only one who’s lost something here? Don’t you think I’m in pain at losing her or him? I loved that child just like I love you. With everything I am. So, you don’t get to make that choice for me. I love you, and I won’t fucking lose you. I didn’t live through seven days of absolute hell so that I could come back to you, only to watch you walk away.”
Ashton closes her eyes, and her lip trembles before she traps it between her teeth. “Don’t do this.”
“You don’t do this,” I plead.
“How long will you stay, Quinn?”
I lift her hand that has the infinity ring I gave her on it and trace the symbol. “For an infinite amount of time.”
She scoffs, pulling her hand back. “You say that now, but what about in a year when you realize that I’m not the girl you loved.”
“How can you predict who you’ll be in a year? And even if you could, how can you not see that it’s you. It’s always you.”
I thought I’d proven that to her. It wasn’t the baby or that she could have babies, it is who she is at the core of it all. It’s her heart, her fire, and her love. Just the way she looks at me makes me feel whole.
Ashton gets up and walks around the living room, then looks to the ceiling. “If you love me like you say, then you’ll end this before I hurt you.”
“You ending this is what would hurt,” I toss back at her.
The fight seems to drain from her eyes. “You won’t love me after a while. You’ll resent me when you see how I stole something from you by being selfish.”
