Page 3 of Infinite
My breathing becomes slightly erratic. I already heard more than I wanted to.
However, I have a million questions, and I would rather do this with Catherine than my mother. Mom will fall apart, and I don’t want to do that to her.
Slowly, I lift my eyelids, but the light is so bright it forces me to slam them back down.
“I’ll close the blinds,” she says as she jumps.
I hear the scraping of them gliding and then try again.
This time, I’m able to see her brown eyes and the tear that falls down her cheek. “Hi.” Catherine’s voice is filled with emotion.
My throat is dry, but I croak the words out. “I lost the baby, didn’t I?”
Catherine nods as another tear falls. “I’m so sorry.”
I feel the moisture leak down my face, and the pain I thought I felt before is nothing because there are no lies here, only the unbearable agony of losing what I loved more than I ever thought was possible.
2
Ashton
Catherine’s hands grip mine, and we both cry. I cry for the loss of the baby. I cry because it physically hurts, and I cry because somewhere deep inside me I know there’s so much more I don’t know about yet.
My heart feels as though it’s being torn to shreds, and there’s nothing that can stop it. I have to endure it all and pray I’m strong enough to withstand it.
I thought losing my first baby was bad, but that was a brush of a feather compared to this. I wanted this baby. I was going to carry the child of a man who I loved and who loved me back. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why couldn’t I be strong enough to carry him or her?
Is it something I did?
Is there something wrong with me?
My heart aches with grief as I try to wrap my mind around it, but it doesn’t make sense. This wasn’t supposed to be the outcome this time. I felt good. I was doing everything right. Quinn handled me with kid gloves to make sure I didn’t strain myself.
So why?
Why?Why, God, why? I let the tears fall and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.
Maybe there’s some cosmic reason that this wasn’t the right time, a reason I was never meant to understand, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair or that I’m okay with it.
“I wanted this baby,” I say as she holds me close.
“I know you did.”
“We were . . . ready, you know?”
“I’m so sorry, Ash. I know you guys were happy and there was so much going right, you don’t deserve to have it all stripped away.”
I nod. “We were happy.”Werebeing the operative word because we aren’t going to be happy now.
Catherine leans back, but her hands move to cup my cheeks. “I know, and I’m sure Quinn . . .”
My eyes shut as a new wave of grief hits me. I won’t be the same, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same, but Quinn will . . . then it hits me that he’s not here. He hasn’t been here, and I want to see him.
“Where’s Quinn?” I say his name while looking around. My voice is so hoarse that it’s hard to hear. She grabs the water beside her, and I see the fear in her eyes.
“Here. Take a drink.”
