Page 4 of Infinite
I take a sip of the water, waiting for her to tell me what’s going on. “Quinn?” I ask again.
Cat licks her lips, and panic starts to bubble up. Oh my God, did he leave me? Did he come and see what a mess I was and walk out?
Does he hate me the way I hate myself?
“Easy, Ash.” Catherine tries to calm me. “I want to explain where he is, but I need you to stay calm, okay? The more you upset yourself the more there’s a chance you’ll make things worse. You lost a lot of blood, okay?”
I try to calm my breathing, but it’s like trying to soothe a frantic beast. I’m sick to my stomach again. I can’t handle much more bad news.
“I’ll try.”
She nods, knowing it probably won’t get much better than that. It’s all I can promise at this point.
“Quinn is missing.”
Missing? My pulse spikes, and my breathing turns jagged and sporadic as Catherine carefully moves closer. “Calm, Ashton.Please.”
I place the cup down after taking a few sips, the cool water feels good, but I can’t stop the shaking.
Catherine releases a heavy sigh, brushes away the tear that descends her cheek, and then takes both my hands in hers again. “On the day that . . . all this happened . . . you couldn’t get ahold of him. Do you remember that?”
I nod once, trying to gather whatever strength I have. That day was crazy, but I clearly remember being on the phone with Mark, frantic when I couldn’t reach Quinn. “Yes. So, where is he?”
She looks toward the door and then back to me. “We don’t know. The videos that they’re piecing together are sketchy. Jackson, Mark, Ben, Liam, and the rest of the team are working on it. Charlie and her team are helping, as well as a couple of federal agents they know, another team of security guys, and anyone else they can ask favors from. There is literally not a soul we know who isn’t trying to find him. The only information we have is that he was taken, and so far, there hasn’t been contact from the people responsible.”
A sob threatens to escape, but I choke it back down. “Why? What the hell was he doing that got him kidnapped?”
“If I knew, I would tell you. But, I swear, Ashton, they’ll find him. They aren’t telling me much, mostly because they aren’t talking to anyone who isn’t involved in the search, but I need you to know that he isn’t absent from your side by his choice.”
I nod, knowing that I can’t speak, my throat is closing in as is the world around me. There isn’t anything I can say to adequately describe it. I’m not even sure I’m alive because, surely, this is a bad dream. No God would take my baby and my boyfriend in the same day?
There is nothing I could’ve done in my life to deserve this level of punishment. Sure, I drank, had sex, sinned, and all that, but I’d like to think I’m a good person. I’ve loved my family and friends, gone to church when my mother made me, I’ve helped people become parents when all else failed . . . so, why?
Why would a God who is supposed to love me, punish me this much?
“I can’t lose him too, Cat,” I say as a fresh wave of tears fall.
She shakes her head, determination filling her gaze. “We’re going to do everything we can.”
“I need him,” I tell her.
“Believe me, I know what you’re feeling. It’s scary and impossible to find a way to keep hope, but Jackson won’t stop until he finds him. I know that’s of little solace when your world is upside down, but you have to stay strong and have faith that he’ll be back with you.”
A few years ago, she was in my place, worrying that she’d lose the man she loved. Funny that the tables have turned now.
Then I think about her advice and how if he does return, what he’s coming back to. What if he’s living for that child? What if all he’s thinking of is us and then he’ll find that there is no us—just me.
“And then what?”
“What do you mean?”
My heart can’t take much more. I need him now more than ever. We’ve lost our baby. We didn’t plan for it, but it was ripped away and I want it back. I want to hold the precious child that I loved—we loved. It won’t ever happen.
“How am I going to tell him I lost our baby? How am I going to explain it when we find him? He’s going to be so upset that I did this.”
She frames my face with her hands. “Ashton, no one blames you.”
“I do.” I push her hands away, not wanting her comfort when I’m dying inside. Sure, we can try again later, but that does nothing to help with the pain of right now. This doesn’t make losing this child any easier. It’s too much.
