Page 27 of Hold You Close
I have no idea what he’s apologizing for. For what happened before? Walking out and breaking my eighteen-year-old heart? Being a jerk today?
“What exactly are you sorry for?” I ask, my voice shaky.
“Everything. I know you’re suffering the loss of your best friend, like I am, and we’re acting like idiots,” Ian admits. “I never should’ve said the things I did. Take your pick of the shit I’ve done and apply it.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I say, looking down at the ground. “We’ve both been acting—poorly. And I don’t hate you. I wish I hated you. It would make things easier, it would mean I don’t care.”
He looks to the sky and laughs. “She’d both love and hate this, you know?”
I don’t have to ask who he’s talking about. “She would. She’d say that what just happened was long overdue. She’d tell us we were being stupid, and then she’d tell me never to speak of it again—unlike any other time I’ve told her about a kiss,” I smile thinking of Sabrina. “Although, if she were alive, we never would’ve kissed.”
She had no problems telling me the reason I hated Ian so much was because I really loved him. The thing about love is that it’s irrational and stupid. I work with statistics and analyze hard data—I weigh probabilities and risks, and think in truths and facts.
Truth—Ian broke my heart.
Truth—Ian is the man I’ve never gotten over.
Fact—Ian is a selfish player who doesn’t give a shit about me.
Fact—I want to rip his clothes off and fuck his brains out.
Those four things combined equals a disastrous outcome. But my best friend was a romantic at heart. She believed love conquered everything. She was a fool when it came to that line of thinking.
Ian raises his chin. “Or maybe it was bound to happen. Maybe we’ve been fighting it for so long we finally snapped. Maybe I’ve wanted to kiss you for—”
“Oh my God!” Morgan’s voice breaks the moment. “You guys kissed?”
“Great,” Ian groans.
“I knew it! I knew you liked her! Is that what took you guys so long? I was coming to find you because Chris thought maybe you got lost, but instead you were kissing. Are you guys like, together now?”
Oh, to be twelve again. However, I don’t miss the key thing she said. “You like me?”
Morgan snorts. “Of course he does. You know how stupid boys are. They’re only mean to girls they like. Since you guys can’t seem to be nice to each other at all, it’s obvious.”
“Go inside before I ground you or whatever it is adults do,” Ian instructs her.
“Telling the truth is always best, Uncle Ian,” Morgan tosses back at him.
“The women in my life are going to drive me to drink,” he says as the screen door shuts. “It’s no wonder men die first. We can’t wait to get away from you all!”
I laugh. “Yeah, because men are such a treat.”
“I am. I can’t speak for anyone else,” Ian says as we walk in.
“Right.”
When we get in the house the sight before me brings tears to my eyes. Christopher is asleep with Ruby on his chest. She has her thumb in her mouth, and is passed out. He looks like his father right now. Ruby’s other hand is gripping his shirt, holding on to her brother.
“Should we move her?” I ask.
He nods. “I’ll put her to bed.”
Ian lifts her effortlessly into his arms, and she stirs a little, but settles. Chris sits up straight. “It’s okay, honey,” I whisper. “Why don’t you head up and get some sleep?”
Chris gets up, shuffling his feet. I head into the kitchen and clean up a bit, as well as start a list of . . . well, real food.
I open the fridge again and then compose the list.
