Page 4 of The Reality of Wanting Him

We have a small farm that’s a little over twenty acres. He has his own house on the land, where I grew up, and when I graduated college, we built a house for me on the opposite side of the property, giving us each some privacy. We have three acres dedicated to produce, which we sell locally, and we also raise chickens for fresh eggs.

Our farm’s been successful enough to keep us both afloat and our bills paid, but neither one of us is rich with this lifestyle. My dad did his best, especially when I went away to college, but it’s been nearly impossible to expand the way we’ve alwaysdreamed of. I have endless ideas—I just don’t have the finances to make the improvements we’d like to.

I’ve always wanted to find a partner to settle down with who cares about the farm as much as I do, who could see its potential and share my dream. But with it being my dad’s last year working, I know the time to find someone is now. I have no idea how I could ever have the time to date someone new while also taking over all of the farm’s responsibilities.

Besides the fact that this show feels like my last shot, I love the concept. The anonymity of not even knowing the person’s gender is so unique, and honestly, exciting to me. Growing up, I was fairly confident that I was bisexual, but it wasn’t something I could explore in my small hometown in upstate New York with its microscopic dating pool and everyone knowing everyone else’s business.

When I left for college two hours away, it felt like a fresh start. At one of my first parties, a cute guy came up to me, and for the first time, I didn’t hesitate to flirt back. I wanted to know if my curiosity was just that or if there was more to it. We didn’t do much—just exchanged handjobs in the bathroom—but it was enough for me to know, without a doubt, that I’m bisexual.

When I came home for Christmas break that year, I came out to my dad. I was nervous, but he was everything I hoped he’d be—completely supportive. I still remember his words. “As long as you’re happy, with someone who treats you well, and you’re living your life authentically, I’m the happiest and proudest dad in the world.” It hit me so hard, I couldn’t help tearing up.

Which is why I shouldn’t hesitate to tell him that I found out I was cast for the show today. My feelings are all over the place. I’m thrilled at the chance to find someone who truly gets me, someone who could maybe even love the farm as much as I do. But there’s also the practical side of things. My biggest worry is leaving my dad to handle everything on his own while I’m away. Thankfully, it’s winter so there isn’t much to do, which is why Ididn’t hesitate to apply, but we still have chickens that need us every day.

I walk the field over to his house and see him sitting on his front porch with a mug in his hand. I know he’ll be completely supportive of me going on the show and tell me not to worry, but I will. It’s just who I am.

“Hey, Dad. Got a minute?” I ask, sitting down next to him.

“For you, always,” he replies with a smile.

I take a deep breath. I know it’ll be okay, but I still fear I’m letting him down or putting too much pressure on him. “You know that dating show I applied for?”

“Yeah. The anonymous one where you don’t know who you’re falling for?” He chuckles.

“That’s the one, and well… I got accepted,” I force out, holding my breath for his reaction.

“Really? That’s great news, Liam! I’m so happy for you,” he responds, sounding genuinely excited for me, just like I knew he would.

“Thanks.” I smile shyly, wishing I didn’t have to tell him the next part. “There’s just one thing: I’ll have to be away from the farm for a while to film. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, I guess it depends on if I continue the process with someone after the blind dating portion or not. I’ve got a couple pieces of furniture almost ready; I’ll make sure I sell those before I go so you can have the cash.”

“I appreciate you considering me, but this is a big opportunity for you, and I’d never stand in the way of that,” Dad insists. He’s always so supportive. I don’t know what I did to deserve a father like him. “I know you want this, and I want you to have it without stressing about me and the farm. It’s winter. There’s not much to do right now anyway. And I’m sure I can hire some extra help while you’re gone if I find myself needing it, but there’s not much to do this time of year.”

“I know, but hiring help adds up quickly,” I respond,completely ignoring the part about him not wanting me to worry. I can’t help it. “We’ve always made it work, but I hate the idea of putting more on you.”

He reaches over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Listen to me, Liam. You’ve spent your whole life working hard for this farm and this family. If this show is what you want to do, then it’s worth it. If you want to find a partner, I want you to prioritize that. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine. We’ll manage. We always do.”

Hearing his reassurance slightly eases the worry in my chest. “Thanks, Dad. I promise I’ll make it count. I really do want to find my person.”

“I know you will,” he says, smiling back at me. “And who knows, maybe you’ll bring back someone who can wrangle the chickens and keep up with you out in the fields. Maybe even work on that list of expansion ideas.”

I find myself letting out a laugh. “Here’s hoping.”

3

BLAKE

Ifeel like a spy with all of this cloak-and-dagger shit—getting us all to the same apartment building at separate times to avoid seeing any of the other contestants. Not that I would know if anyone I saw in the airport was a contestant, but I guess if someone else was being escorted by a production assistant with a clipboard and a nametag lanyard with the show’s logo on it, it would be pretty obvious.

The show booked all our plane tickets to stagger arrivals, and as soon as I cleared security, a staff member was waiting—probably to make sure I didn’t wander off and screw up their schedule. They led me straight to a blacked-out SUV that took us to the underground garage of what looked like a midsize apartment building.

The producers explained that it’s cheaper to film in Georgia, so even though all the contestants are from New York this season, they’ve set up in Atlanta for the initial filming. Plus, if the show does well and they end up shooting more seasons, they can keep casting contestants from different cities and bring them here.

I should probably be more nervous about meeting the othercontestants and all the cameras that’ll be on me, but despite the pressure, I can’t help but be excited about this whole experience. At some point over the last year and a half, I’ve actually started to like the idea of getting married. Having a partner I connect with and enjoy everyday things with sounds pretty great. Like, if I was attracted to Chad, he’d be my perfect partner.

I also really love the show’s whole premise of finding a connection before worrying about appearances. It feels like exactly what I need after all the women my mom’s tried to set me up with. Most of them only seemed to care about looks and status, so getting a break from that sounds nice.

By the time we get to the building, there’s a whole crew waiting for our arrival. They add makeup to my face, carry off my luggage, and confiscate my phone—something I’d already consented to in the mountain of legal paperwork I signed to be on the show.

Someone steps forward from the swarm of assistants and camera crew, a person in dark jeans and a headset, holding a clipboard. “Hi, I’m Remi, one of the producers. It's nice to meet you in person,” they say quickly, continuing before I even respond. “Filming will start right away. All of the hallways, as well as every room in your apartment, is fitted with full video and audio recording from almost every angle. The only blind spots are in your shower and the toilet area. Everywhere else, assume you are being filmed. Most of the footage will obviously not make it onto the show, but our editors will see it all. Don’t do anything to piss them off, or they have the power to edit you to look like a complete asshole for all of the world to see,” they warn.

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