Page 42 of The Reality of Wanting Him

“I’ll miss you too. Have fun with Chad and Lucky. Can’t wait to meet them later!”

We break apart, and I’m escorted to a cab to go to my apartment to meet Chad. I ordered us lunch so he can bring Lucky back home. I only got my phone back from the producers this morning, and they warned us not to give anything away off camera. So I just confirmed the time for him to come over in a text, saying I’m excited to see him and update him on everything.

Now I’m anxiously pacing in my living room. The show has a barebones crew assigned to follow me, but they asked me to try to forget they’re here.Easier said than done.Finally, the door opens and Lucky runs in, jumping up with her front paws on my thighs, balancing on her back legs like she wants to give me a hug as her tail wags rapidly. I kneel on the floor so I can properly hug her and pet her stomach when she drops down to roll onto her back, tongue hanging out of her mouth while she pants in excitement.

“Who’s a good girl?” I coo as I try to pet her all over, desperate to make up for the lost time we’ve had. I know Chad took great care of her, but I missed her like crazy, and I don’t want her to think I left because of anything she did or because I don’t care about her. “How’s my little princess? I missed you so much, my sweet girl.”

“She was a perfect angel the whole time you were gone,” Chad says, reminding me that he’s here.

“Hey, man! It’s so great to see you,” I say, reluctantly getting up to lean in for one of those bro hugs that start as a handshake but turn into a quick back slap.

“You too! I can’t wait to hear all about the lucky lady you’veconvinced to date you,” he teases, and I’m really regretting following the producers’ instructions to not warn him.Why am I so nervous when I know Chad will be cool?I can’t seem to settle the nerves dancing around in my stomach. I take a deep breath and decide to just put it all out there.

“So, I actually have a lot to tell you,” I start, and Chad raises his eyebrows, already looking amused. “Remember what you said when we were first talking about the show, when you asked me what would happen if I ended up choosing a guy?”

“You didn’t,” he says, eyes wide shining with amusement.

I give him my best smile, scrunching up my nose a little as I shrug. “Turns out, I shouldn’t have been so confident that I would know the gender of the person I was blindly dating.”

“So you chose a man? I fucking called it, bro, why would you want to talk to a girl if you could hangout with a dude!” He sounds far too proud of himself as he laughs. “But wait, I thought they would only be filming this week if you were still dating someone?” His comment is casual, not sounding judgmental or negative; just curious.

“That’s accurate,” I confirm, nodding as I wait for the pieces to all fit together for him.

I don’t think it would be possible for his smile to be any bigger. “So, you’re actually dating a man? You’re going to get married?”

“Yeah.” I know I should say more but I can’t get anything else out, the nerves seeming to take over all of my ability to function as I wait for his response.

“And you want to? You’re happy about it? You really like him?” he asks seriously, all of the previous amusement gone from his expression. I appreciate that he isn’t bringing up my parent’s ultimatum in front of the cameras, but his concern for my feelings seems sincere, not like he’s worried about money.

“Yeah, I really am happy with him,” I admit, a small smileforcing its way onto my face despite my nerves. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I want to marry him.”

“Congrats, man! I’m happy for you.” He only sounds excited by the idea, and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I didn’t think he would be an asshole.Still,I guess this was my first coming-out moment, and I didn’t anticipate how scary it would actually be.

“Thanks.” I’m beaming at him now, and we both burst out laughing. “So, want to come ring shopping with me?” I ask when we finally settle down.

“Obviously. But first, I want to hear all about him. Holy shit, have you guys,you know?”he asks, pumping his eyebrows. He’s asking if we’ve fucked, but we’re being filmed so I’m not sure how much to admit.

I smirk, hoping to give a vague but still honest answer. “Turns out, consensual sex is always fun, it doesn’t matter what the gender of my partner is.”

He holds out his fist for me to bump and we both laugh again. I’m lucky to have him as my best friend, and I’m so glad he was in town today. I’m really excited for Liam to meet him.

The food arrives and I spend the meal telling him all about the show, the process of matching with other people, ranking them, and how Liam was always in my top three. I tell him how shocked I was when we finally saw each other face-to-face because, like an idiot, I’d assumed Liam was a woman. But as soon as the initial surprise wore off, I realized it didn’t matter. Not even a little, because I liked him for him. Then I tell him about Rachel, and how she tried to make a move once we met in person, but that it only made me more confident in my choice with Liam. By the end of the meal, he’s caught up, and just as excited to shop for a ring as I am.

After taking Lucky on a short walk and making sure she’s settled back at home, the camera crew follows us to a jewelry shop nearby. They tell us to wait outside first so they can confirmif it’s okay for us to film inside before letting us in.Guess, they weren’t too happy I kind of sprung this on them, but how was I supposed to know before the show started that I’d care this much about picking out a custom ring?The show had a variety of rings we could choose from to propose with, but call me old-fashioned, I want to do it right.

I want to propose to Liam with a ring that means something, that represents the commitment I want us to make to each other. I like the idea of going in and picking out the perfect ring for him, not just using some generic one that’s offered to me.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” the middle-aged woman behind the counter asks us when the crew gives us the go-ahead to proceed inside.

“I want to get an engagement ring for my boyfriend,” I say, and realize it’s the first time I’ve referred to Liam that way.My boyfriend.The title makes me smile; I like having that claim on him.

“Do you know what style you’re looking for?” she asks, turning to Chad.

“Oh, I’m not the boyfriend,” he says with a laugh. “Just here for moral support.”

“My mistake. Do you know what type of ring you’re looking for?” she asks, smiling at me this time.

Shit, I guess I should have done some research. If I’m being honest, I’ve always assumed ring shopping would involve getting a huge diamond in whatever setting the girl I was dating told me to get.Do two men both wear engagement rings? Are there still diamonds involved?

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