Page 37 of The Reality of Wanting Him

Her explanation is ridiculous, and I give up on being polite, yanking my arm out of her grip so I can step back.

“Rachel, I don’t know what’s going on with you and your partner, but I’m very happy with who I chose. Iwantto be with Liam, and I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks, including my football buddies.”

“You seriously want to marry a man at the end of the month?” she asks, eyebrows practically in her hair, not accepting a word I just said.

“Yes, I want to marryLiamat the end of the month,” I emphasize. “Why are you even here? You sound really homophobic right now. I don’t care that he’s a man. I care about who he is as a person. I feel really fucking lucky that he chose me and that he wants to give us a real chance at a future. Rachel, we could never be happy together. Other than talking about wanting kids, I don’t think we had one meaningful conversation that whole week.”

I feel like I owe her an explanation with how confused shestill seems, but I’m also so fuckingoverthis whole conversation. I’d much rather be talking with Liam and his friend. I wanted to meet JR after finding out he was only in Liam’s top two so they could be there to support each other as friends.

But when I turn to where I thinkLiam is talking to JR, I can’t see him anywhere. I only see who I’m assuming is JR glaring at me.Fuck. What did I do now?

“Rachel, I wish you the best, but I want to be very clear that things are done between us. I need to go find Liam,” I say, not waiting for her to respond before I’m hurrying toward the man I’ve obviously pissed off. “Hey, did you see where Liam went?” I ask JR, or Jace, after glancing at his name tag to confirm it’s him.

“He said something about not wanting to be dumped in front of the cameras. What the fuck were you and Rachel talking about?” His angry words feel like daggers piercing my chest as I try to catch up and figure out what I did wrong. “Are you really planning to dump him for the first hot girl to throw herself at you? I know you thought you were straight, but that’s low.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t want her. I want him. Where is he?” I repeat, trying and failing to stay calm. I don’t give a shit about what this guy obviously thinks he saw happen between Rachel and me. But with each passing second, the ball of dread in my gut grows. I need to make sure Liam isn’t thinking the same thing.

“Probably packing up his things before you humiliate him further,” JR spits out.

Fuck!

I’m practically running out the door before he even finishes his sentence. Liam has to know that I don’t care about Rachel.Right?After yesterday’s makeout session, I was ready for more.I still am.I know he said we should take things slow, but I thought he finally believed that I’m into him.What could he possibly have seen to think I would ditch him that easily?

I crash into our apartment door, trying to open it quickly, but it seems like the faster I try to get to Liam, the slower time feels. I swear my heart is trying to escape my chest with how fast it’s beating. I’m so fucking worried that he’ll already be gone that I nearly burst into tears when I find him still in our bedroom.

“Oh, thank god! You didn’t leave.” I’m panting as I try to gulp down enough air to keep talking.

“I needed some time away from the cameras,” he mutters, not looking at me from where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, picking at his nail, staring intently at his thumb.

I move to stand in front of him, heart pounding—unsure if he wants space or closeness, but needing to be near him all the same just to reassure my racing heart that he’s still here. He didn’t leave.

“Liam, what the fuck happened? Why did Jace think I want to end things with you?” I ask desperately. He doesn’t respond immediately, and I can’t handle even a second of silence. “I don’t. I really don’t want that. I want nothing more than to be with you. That’s all I want. You, L.”

His head whips up, eyes roaming over my face like he’s searching for the lie in my expression.

“Blake, I heard you and Rachel talking. Don’t try to deny it. I’m not anyone’smistake.You came on the show expecting to leave with a wife. Congratulations, looks like everything worked out for you.”He drops his head again, and I can’t hold back from touching him any longer. I grab his wrist, desperate for him to keep looking at me, to believe what I’m saying.

“Liam, the only one in this room who looks like they might be ready to leave the other is you. I don’t know how much you heard, but you must have left before I told Rachel how happy I amwith you.That at the end of the month, I’m hoping to marryyou.She might be regretting her own choices, but I’m not. I wanted to date LM, and I still do. Hell, I want tomarryyou, Liam!”

He finally meets my gaze, but he definitely doesn’t look convinced.

“I told her I chose you. That I still choose you. That I’m not interested in what could’ve been with someone else when what I have with you is real.”

“I want it to be real,” Liam finally says. “I’m afraid of just how much I like you. I knew I had feelings for you when we were in the first portion of the show. But then, when I found out I wasn’t what you expected, I tried to hold myself back from falling even more. It’s hard, though, because you’re so charming and silly. You’re carefree and so the opposite of how I feel most of the time. And while I admire that, I’m still scared that I’m going to keep falling and you’re going to realize my gender is a dealbreaker for you. That you’d prefer someone else, and I’ll get hurt.”

My stomach flutters at his admission. I know that I’m all in, but the confirmation that he actually likes me so much—even after our somewhat awkward introduction—makes me feel like I’m soaring. I can’t hold back the giant smile on my face as I answer him. “It’s not.” I step closer. “The fact that you happen to be a man isn’t a dealbreaker. You’re the deal. A big fucking deal because you’re the thing I didn’t know I was waiting for.”

His brows lift slightly, and I see the hint of a smile that he’s not ready to give me yet.

“I mean it, Liam. I want to prove to you how much. Not because I have to, but because Iwantto. You said you were afraid of being someone’s mistake. I’ve never been more sure that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know it’s only been three days since we officially met, but I mean that.”

He exhales shakily, his shoulders easing just enough that I can breathe again.

“Fuck, Blake,” he mutters, and it’s not in anger.

“What?” I ask, hopeful now.

“I just—when I saw how she was acting and heard what shesaid, I panicked. You chose me, you’remine, but I’ve been worried ever since you found out I was a man that you'd change your mind. I guess a part of me didn’t expect you to go meet your second choice tonight and still want to come back with me, to still be saying all this. I figured I should leave before I tried to stake some sort of barbaric claim over you on national television that I wasn’t even sure you wanted. I’m sorry I overreacted.”

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