Page 25 of The Reality of Wanting Him

“You really still want to?” He looks completely unconvinced, but he hasn’t left, so I’m taking that as a good sign.

“Definitely! If you give me a chance, I promise to prove to you that I’m taking this seriously, and I’m excited to be doing it with you. I’m still glad I asked you to do this with me, Liam. Just because I’ve never dated a man before, doesn’t mean I can’t start now. Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong this whole time,” I joke, hoping to win him over.

14

LIAM

Producer:What’s your favorite feature—the first thing you notice when you meet someone?

Liam:Probably their smile. When someone else is happy, it’s hard not to be drawn to that.

Ifeel like I’m on a bad sitcom, like this is all some kind of joke.Why didn’t I follow my gut and initially say no to B?I would have been able to avoid this entire situation, and honestly, all this embarrassment.

I actually started picturing my future with B. With Blake.

I imagined us on the farm, cooking together, going to markets, andmaybeeven watching a random football game together every once in a while.Yeah, that’s how far gone I was.

Now all those dreams feel like they were ripped away the moment he looked at me when I told him who I was.

There’s no way this will work between us.

Despite the seemingly sincere apology and the way he’s smiling at me now, I’m just not buying that he’s ready to date aman. He’s definitely not going to be ready to get married to one in a few weeks.How could he be?

This is what I get for telling myself to be open-minded when B kept surprising me.Apparently I’ve managed to surprise him even more.

I feel like a fucking idiot.

The person who chose me over everyone else thought I was a woman the entire time we’d been talking, then announced it on national television. The one who asked me to move in with him, to continue this experience, and yet, he assumed I worked for the show before considering that I could be the one he’s been dating.

This is going to be a meme. This is going to catch like wildfire when it airs. Blake’s shell-shocked expression because he thought I was a woman is going to be their multi-million-dollar marketing clip. I will literallyneverlive this down. It doesn’t matter that he followed it up with the least convincing bi-awakening moment ever. He probably realized there are cameras everywhere—and that he looked like a completely prejudiced asshole—before backpedaling and claiming that he still wanted to see me. I guess we’ll see what he really thinks when we get into our bedroom that doesn’t have any cameras. The bedroom we’ll be sharing.

I assume I’ll get another apology, then he’ll want to plan some amicable breakup where he can say we didn’t end things because I’m a man, but because we just aren’t as good a match as we’d hoped. That has to be his plan—because why the hell would he want to keep going if he thought he was straight ten minutes ago?

I should turn around right now and walk out the door. I should grab my bags and pretend this never happened. End this experience now before I become an even bigger laughingstock.

Even on the off chance that everything he said was true, and he genuinely wants to try to continue building a relationship with me, do I even want that? I’m almost thirty years old. I don’t havetime to be someone’s bi-awakening sexual experiment. I learned that lesson with my ex. It’s not fun.Especially not on TV.

Except, despite all these very rational thoughts, I don’t move. I stay right where I’m standing.

As much as I hate to admit it, there’s a tiny part of me that wants to explore this, despite the embarrassment. The part that hasactualfeelings for him. For Blake.And it has absolutely nothing to do with how attractive he is.

Blake is huge, he looks like he’s an inch taller than me. His blond hair is styled in that effortless, tousled way that definitely took effort. It’s long enough to run my fingers through and grip—not that I’m thinking about that.His clothes look expensive too. He’s got on dark jeans and a green Henley with the sleeves pushed up, showing off his impressive forearms.Ones I’m definitely not paying any attention to.I force my gaze back to his face and meet his hazel eyes. They’re filled with so much hope, pleading for me to give him some sort of confirmation that I’ll give him a chance.

He claims that just because he hasn’t dated a man before, it doesn’t mean he’s opposed to it. He even acknowledged that he knew this was a possibility when he signed up for the show, but saying he’d date a man and actually doing it are different things.

Finally, Blake opens his mouth to speak again. “Well, I had this whole plan to kiss you when I saw you… do you still want me to do that?” He chuckles again, sounding nervous, and I’m not sure if that was meant to be a serious offer or a joke to ease this tension.

I say nothing, just raise an eyebrow.Does this straight guy really think he can “date” me if he’s freaking out over a kiss he made up in his head?

I cross my arms. “I’m pretty sure that plan was for a girl, not me. So we can skip that for now.”

He nods once, but still seems way too determined to hold onto this experience. I’m not sure if it’s because he actuallywants to be here with me or if his ego just won’t let him walk away, but I’ll have to take him at his word for now that he wants to continue until we can get away from the cameras.

“Well, should we unpack then?” I reluctantly ask, figuring that will get us some privacy.

“Yeah! Yes, let’s do that,” Blake agrees easily.

We both turn around to wheel our luggage further into the apartment, and that’s when I see exactly what we’re dealing with tonight.

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