Page 13 of The Reality of Wanting Him

“I do like to have a plan, so maybe we can set up another formal date, but I’m also open to the idea of talking more in the apartments,” they suggest.

“I like the sounds of that! Best of both worlds,” I agree. “I’ll send you another formal date request for tomorrow, but hopefully we can talk before then too?”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon, B. Bye.”

“Talk to you soon, L,” I say, and I hear their door click as they must leave their date room.

BB

So what’s the best part about living on a farm? I keep picturing cute cartoon versions of farm animals running around with Lucky lol.

LM

LOL. We only have chickens on our farm for eggs as of right now. They’re basically my pets though. I think they’re as cute as whatever cartoon you’re probably picturing and are definitely one of the best parts. I would love to build them a new coop though, the one we’ve got right now is pretty old.

BB

Ohh like a mansion for the chickens? I love that, you could decorate it to look like a mini house or something, give them the space they deserve. You said for right now, do you want more animals?

LM

There are a lot of things I would love to do for the farm and getting more animals is one of them. But the investment required for that sort of thing is a lot more than I think most people would assume. And I wouldn’t want animals for slaughter, I don’t think I could ever be that kind of farmer. But I’d love to have some more animals for milk, and just for selfish reasons because I really enjoy their company.

BB

Doesn’t sound selfish to me, I bet they would love your company too. You should totally do it with the money you’ll get from the show.

LM

Maybe. What about you? What would you want to do with the money?

BB

I’ll just be happy to leave the show married. My new spouse can decide what they want to do with it.

I catchmyself before I say wife instead of spouse. Before being on the show, I wasn’t used to being so careful with words thatimply gender, but I think I’ve adjusted quickly.It’s not like it’s actually difficult.

LM and I have been casually sending messages back and forth since the end of our date this morning. I sent another date invite right away and they scheduled one for early tomorrow. I’m glad that we have another one planned because I had such a blast this morning, but I’m also super relieved that we won’t need to wait until then to keep talking.

I’ve been reading the texting conversation aloud as we have it, but I should probably add even more for the camera. “I’m not sure if I should talk too much about money yet. What I told LM is true, I don’t care about the prize money. I feel weird not telling someone that I’m building a potential relationship with that I come from a wealthy family, but I also don’t want someone to pursue me because of that,” I explain.

I also reassure myself that not telling them makes sense when my own financial situation is so dependent on my success on the show anyway, and it’s not like I could explain the ultimatum my parents gave me. Anyone who agreed to marry me after knowing about it, or because of it, would most likely be after the money for themselves. The last year and a half of trying to find a spouse has led to it being about so much more than the money for me. I’m hoping to find someone I actually want to spend my life with.

I go back to thinking aloud. “I can always bring that up in a later round when I’m focused on less people.” I’ve sent some messages to my other matches today too, and I have a few more dates scheduled either tonight or tomorrow. I look to the camera again so that the audience can know where my head is at in regards to the other contestants. “My chat with LM is definitely holding most of my attention. The more I talk to them and the more I learn about them, the more excited I am about this entire process,” I admit.

Maybe it’s naive, but after talking to some of the othercontestants, I’ve started to get my hopes up about this actually working. I know my best shot at finding the right person is to be genuine with all of them.Not the shallow, surface-level way I’ve handled relationships in the past.Starting with L, I focus back on our messaging app and read the next one aloud.

LM

Not sure if that’s meant to be a romantic statement or if you really care so little about money…

“I definitely don't want to lie to them, we talked a lot about honesty in our date today,” I tell the camera as I think over how to respond.

BB

I guess it’s a little of both. I grew up with money so I’ve only had to start thinking about it more recently. But I also really like the idea of having a partner to share big decisions like that with.

LM

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