Page 5 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I think it’s meant as a joke, but I take it seriously, just in case.

“Even though we want everyone to remain in their assigned apartments at all times, you aren’t locked in or anything,” Remi continues. “We have staff watching the feeds at all times, and there will be a chat with staff as well as emergency helpoptions within the show’s communication app that we ask you to use in the case of a nonemergency. If the fire alarm goes off, exit the building using the emergency stairs like you normally would, but please don’t start any fires, otherwise the whole premise of the show would be completely fucked.” None of this is new info; it was all in the legal paperwork, but it’s a nice reminder. I’m excited to see where I’ll be living while I’m here.

Even though I was anxious to be chosen, I wasn’t exactly surprised when I got the call that I’d be on the show. I know that one internet search of my name brings up a bunch of articles with “NFL draft pick” next to it. These producers don’t care that I never made it past training camp; it’s an easy hook for the show, and I’m sure they’ll use it to their advantage,even if I wish they wouldn’t.

I don’t exactly love being reminded that everything I’d spent my life working toward was within my reach, and I fumbled it just before the endzone. But I have new goals now that include walking away from this show as a married man. I’ll get to keep access to my money and hopefully find someone I connect with—feels like a win-win to me.

Remi leads me to a room full of different backdrops where a photographer and videographer are waiting to shoot promo for the show. I’m introduced to the host, Andy, who leads me through a short interview, asking me to introduce myself, say some interesting facts, joke around, and pose a whole bunch of times. I can’t tell if he’s naturally the most peppy person I’ve ever met or if it’s an act for the cameras, but he never falters. By the end of it, I can’t remember anything I’ve said so I hope it works and doesn’t make me look like an idiot.

Next, Remi escorts me to an elevator where they scan their ID card before hitting a floor number.There will be no sneaking around in this place, that's for damn sure. We get out of the elevator and are in a small entryway with a door to what must bemy apartment. The door is painted to look like the LGBTQIA+ flag.

Remi uses a key to unlock the door, and I walk into my new home. The bold decor choices don’t end at the door. The small two-bedroom apartment is decked out in rainbow everything. I don’t think there are any two pieces of furniture that are the same shade or color, and I kind of love the commitment this must have taken to put together. It might be a little bright at first glance, but it definitely works. Why go for boring neutral tones when you can say “fuck it” and doallof the color instead? It’s cheery and happy, so there are no complaints from me. It also drives home the fact that Iamon a queer dating show.

When I filled out the application, I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that this show is more geared toward queer contestants. Genderless is in the tagline, but still, I didn’t mind. I just figured there’d be fewer people for me to match with. No big deal. It’s not like I have a problem with the idea of dating a man; I’ve just never looked at a guy and thought, “I wonder what it would be like to kiss him?” the way I definitely have with women.

The casting crew seemed a little hesitant when I told them I’ve always identified as straight, even though I’m an ally. After I assured them I wasn’t worried about who I formed connections with—because I’d probably be drawn to a girl, and be able to tell if I was talking to one—they just exchanged a few meaningful looks among themselves and moved on to their next question. By the end of my interview, they had promised me a spot on the show, and I’m so excited to finally be here.

On the bright yellow kitchen table, I see what must be my new iPhone. I open it up and see there are a few apps preloaded onto the device. One looks like a messaging app for the show that’s got a heart over a chat bubble. There’s also an app with two overlapping hearts for its icon, and when I open it up, there are instructions on the screen:

WELCOME TO YOUR VIBE BOARD. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO ADD SOME INFORMATION ABOUT YOU FOR YOUR FELLOW CONTESTANTS TO SEE DURING YOUR BLIND DATES. THIS CAN INCLUDE IMAGES OF ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO USE TO DESCRIBE YOUR “VIBE” THAT WILL BE SHOWN ON YOUR FEED. ALL BOARDS WILL BE APPROVED BY THE PRODUCERS PRIOR TO THE FIRST BLIND DATES TO AVOID ANY IDENTIFYING INFORMATION BEING GIVEN.

Sweet. I move over to the deep sectional set up in front of a massive flatscreen TV. The producers explained earlier that the content from our phones will be mirrored onto the TV screen, and we’re expected to verbally react as much as possible—talking through our thoughts, reading things aloud, and making it clear what we’re thinking—so they can follow along with what’s happening.

There’s a mirror option, and I’m able to easily get the vibe board set up on the television. “Sorry for not reading the directions out loud. Hopefully someone better at following instructions than me remembered,” I apologize with a small smile and a shrug at the hidden cameras. This is definitely going to take some getting used to, but I also kind of love the idea of people caring enough to want to watch me lounging around my apartment.Starved for affection and approval? Who, me?

“Okay, let’s pick some vibes,” I say, clicking into the search bar. I start pulling up some generic stock images—football, dogs, working out, NYC—narrating as I go and explaining why I’m choosing each one.

“Should I put something about going out to bars and clubs with my friends on weekends?” I wonder aloud. “I don’t want them to think I’m some party boy. That’s just… what we’ve always done.” I pause, considering. “But if I’m in a relationship, Ihopefully won't be doing that as much. So maybe I’ll leave it out.”

I scroll through the app’s suggested favorites and add a few: tacos for food, Prague for my favorite vacation spot, and fall as my favorite season.

By the time I’m happy with my vibe board, I feel like I’m already half asleep. I raid my fridge, throwing together an easy sandwich before I head to bed with a huge smile on my face.

Tomorrow is the day I meet my future spouse, and I can’t wait.

I’m soexcited for today. I love talking to new people, and the element of surprise—not knowing what they look like or even their name—makes everything more exciting. Our blind dates are set up in the second small bedroom, and I was told we’ll stay here for most of the day. It’s a simple but cozy room with a loveseat in front of a TV screen, and a desk off to the side with a small lamp and a water bottle. The room is dimly lit but comfortable, with just enough space to feel intimate without being claustrophobic. It has a good date ambiance if you forget that you’re talking through screens.

Before the dates start, the TV screen lights up with a video of Andy, the show’s host, welcoming us all to the process. The production assistant mentioned Andy will be our guide throughout the experience, but somehow my memory didn’t do him justice because I’m still blown away by the sheer energy this guy brings.

“Welcome toLove Without Labels!” he booms, his smile so bright I half expect the screen to glare. You can tell he’s made for this sort of over-the-top gig, and I love his positive energy. “You’re about to embark on the most exciting and unique journey of your lives. This isn’t just any dating show—this isabout making true, lasting connections that go deeper than physical attraction, gender, or age. Are you ready to open your hearts and minds?” I’m sure it was rhetorical, but I nod along because I know this place is littered with cameras.

“Here’s how this works,” he begins. “You’ll stay in your date rooms for the duration of the morning. You will get ten minutes with each of the other contestant for a speed date. Your voices will be modified to stay anonymous, and remember,no names or gender-revealing pieces of information. Use only initials and write down notes to help you eventually narrow down your connections.”

The dramatic background music swells as Andy leans closer to the camera, his tone growing more serious. “Now, a few things to remember for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: be open, be vulnerable, and don’t hold back. The only way to find a true connection is to be yourself. The producers will be there to support you every step of the way, and I’ll be checking in regularly. So… who’s ready to fall in love!?”

The screen cuts to Andy throwing his arms wide open, grinning like he’s just announced the lottery numbers. “Good luck everyone, and remember—love is love! Now, let’s get started!”

The video ends with a swirl of rainbow glitter and the show’s logo flashing across the screen. I stare at it for a moment and notice a smile on my face I don’t remember forming. The production assistant had said Andy’s job was to keep us hyped, and well…mission accomplished.

The first few dates are kind of a blur, but I’ve just finished up a call with someone that I think I’d like to talk to again. I have a journal that I can take notes in, and I put a checkmark next to KD—their initials. Their vibe board had a lot of makeup on it, which I guess I used to think would automatically mean girl. But here, with how the show's set up, I remind myself that isn’t necessarily the case. It’s just someone sharing what they’re into. Same way I put football on mine without thinking twice.

Maybe that's the point. Stuff doesn’t have to be for one gender or the other. It's just… you.

The vibe board for my next blind date loads for LM, and I smile—I’ve been on enough dates this past year to recognize farmhouse design inspo when I see it.Maybe they’re an interior designer?

There’s also a few pics of fruit and veggies so they’re probably into healthy eating, which I can get behind. I might not play football anymore, but I’ve never stopped hitting the gym and taking care of my body.

The rest of the board is full-on fall vibes: changing leaves, pumpkin patches, cozy everything.Looks like we picked the same favorite season.

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