Page 23 of The Reality of Wanting Him

Andy continues talking. “It’s time to grab your packed bags and a producer will escort you to your new shared home! Whoever gets there first, please wait to unpack untilafteryou’ve met your partner in the main living space.” His expression falls dramatically and he leans in to whisper to the camera. “If, for whatever reason, you decide upon meeting that you no longer want to continue with the show, please be respectful and excuse yourself from the apartment. A producer will help you from there.”

Then he steps back and his whole face lights up again. “I’m sure that won’t be the case for you, though! This isLove Without Labelsand you wanted to find someone who would love you despite those pesky first impressions. And you have! I am so excited for you to continue on this journey! Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… it’s time to go meet your partner!”

The screen goes black again, and I’m out of my seat, practically sprinting to grab my bags. They had us pack up this morning,knowing we’d either be moving in with our partner or heading home, and now it’s finally happening.

I’m about to meet L!

And I’m so fucking excited, I can barely think straight.

Remi is escorting me to L’s and my apartment, and they’re on the phone coordinating so we don’t get there at the same time. It sounds like I’ll be getting there first. We take the elevator up a few floors and they open the door for me. It’s a more traditionally styled apartment this time. There are still rainbow touches, but the whole kitchen screams boring model showroom. After living in the rainbow explosion that was my studio apartment for the last week, this is kind of a letdown.

Not important. Don’t give a shit about the apartment. L is almost here! What the fuck should I do while I wait? Should I be sitting? Standing so we can hug? Will we kiss right away or will we need to build up to that?I’m standing in the middle of the room, undecided on how I should play this, when I hear the door open. My heart jumps into my throat as I spin around, a huge grin already plastered on my face?—

And then it falls.

Because it’s not her.

There’s a large, rugged-looking man standing in the doorway. He’s got dark hair, a flannel, and bright blue eyes.What is he doing here?

“Sorry, I think you’ve got the wrong apartment,” I say with a nervous laugh, hoping this guy will hurry up and leave before L gets here.

“B?” he asks, sounding kind of breathless. His brows are furrowed as he checks me out, like he isn’t sure if I’m who he’s looking for either.

“Oh, are you a producer or something? Should I be standing in a different spot for the big reveal?” I check, looking around and positioning myself so that I’m facing the door.

“A producer? What are you talking about?” he asks, stepping fully into the apartment.

And that’s when I see the suitcase he’s wheeling in behind him.

Into the apartment.

The apartment I’m going to share with L.

Because we just agreed to move in together.

To advance our relationship.

L, who I’ve been picturing this entire time as a woman…why the fuck did I do that?

This is L, who I decided I want to be exclusive with.

L, who I shared parts of my life with that I’ve never shared with anyone else.

L, the person I’ve decided I want to build something real with for the first time in my life.

I’m completely frozen in place, like I don’t even have control of my body right now as I try to mentally catch up to what’s happening. I knew it was a possibility. When I first got to the show, I thought about how much easier this would be if I was attracted to men. Chad had even suggested this exact scenario when we first talked about the show, and I shrugged it off, assuming that I would know if I was talking to a man.

Except Ididn’t.

I didn’t know.

I chose him.

A man.

And now he’s standing in front of me, looking exactly as confused as I feel.

“Wait, you’re L? LM?” I finally question.

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