Page 22 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I’ve always envisioned the farm with a few kids running around—helping feed the chickens in the morning, spending time outside with my dad and I, learning the same lessons he taught me growing up. I want that kind of life, and I want it even more with someone who wants the same thing.

Yesterday, we talked more about what kind of parents we’d be and what values matter most to us. They joked that they’d be the fun one while I’d be the responsible one. They’re probably not wrong, and yet, it doesn’t bother me. Even though neither of us specified that we’d be parenting thesamekids, it sure felt like that’s what we were talking about, and I loved it.

We talked about their dog, what we like to do to unwind, and how we handle stress. BB joked that I’d probably have to remind them where they put their keys every day if we lived together.My stomach definitely had some butterflies at the casual suggestion.I admitted that I have a bad habit of leaving dishes in the sink just a little too long. Curse of living alone and spending all my time outside of the house.

It was those conversations that made everything feel less hypothetical and more like this could actually turn into a real, lasting, life-long relationship. That’s always been my intention, but it’s never felt like such a real possibility.

As I’m waiting for B to enter their room, I’m so grateful they can’t see the nerves that are definitely radiating off of me. “I’m so anxious right now. It all comes down to this,” I say into the cameras I know are recording in the otherwise quiet room. “I’m going to ask them to take the next step and move in with me.”

After a few more minutes of waiting, I hear the sound of the door closing, and B says, “L? Are you here?”

“Hey, yes!” I’m now also very grateful they can’t hear my real voice because I know that would have been incredibly squeaky and high pitched.

“So, how are you doing? Are you nervous?” B asks, like they’re completely calm and collected over there while I’m barely able to stay in my seat with how fast my leg is bouncing.

“Yes, definitely.” I let out a little laugh because I honestly think I’ll cry if I don’t. The amount of pressure I’m feeling right now is unreal. I don’t think I’ve ever feltthisnervous before.

There's a muffled sound as they let out a deep breath. “Yeah. I mean, it’s a big decision, right? We went from strangers to this in, what, a week?”

“Yeah.” I swallow hard. “But it doesn’t feel rushed, does it?”

B is quiet for a moment, and somehow my fear manages to multiply, even more terrified that I’ve misread everything. But then they speak, and their voice seems softer this time. “No, it doesn’t.”

I take a breath, steadying myself.They wouldn’t have saidthat if they were done with me. Right?“So… I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”

B exhales a short laugh. “Yeah. I guess so. L, will you move in with me?”

Wait, did I just hear that right?I was so sure I’d be the one asking. I had this whole nervous speech prepared in my head. I’d already accepted having to put myself out there first. But now, here B is, flipping the script and asking me instead.

Somehow, it makes this moment even better.

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as a massive smile takes over my face. “Yes! Of course. Yeah, I will.”

B lets out a relieved laugh. “So, it’s official,” B says, way louder than before. “We’re moving in together!”

It’s happening.This is really happening!This is no longer just an idea or a hypothetical next step in the show—we’re actually going to be sharing a space. I’m nervous and excited. My adrenaline is through the roof, but I feel good, like I’ve made the right choice.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” B asks.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever actually ready to move in with someone they’ve never seen before,” I joke. “But with you? Yeah. I think I am.”

My face hurts from how hard I’m smiling. I finally get to meet them face-to-face. A whole new wave of nervous energy flows over me, but I know that this time, it’s also full of excitement.I can’t wait to meet you, B.

13

BLAKE

Producer:So you’ve previously told producers that you identify as straight, what made you want to sign up for a show where you could end up dating men without knowing it?

Blake:I guess that I assumed I would know if I was talking to a man or a woman, but after actually being a part of this experience, it’s clear that my initial confidence might have been a little misplaced. Things certainly aren’t as cut and dry as I had pictured. But, to answer your question, I’ve struggled with finding my person. After seeing the ad for the show’s sign ups, I really liked the idea of getting to know someone for who they are before physical appearances came into play. I’d like to think looks aren’t important to me, but when you’re dating in the real world, it’s hardnotto take appearance into consideration.

The television in the date room suddenly lights up and Andy appears on the screen. “Congratulations to the happy couple! You’ve agreed to advance your relationship to the next step in our experiment—living together!” He’s jumping up and down and clapping like we’ve already won something.

Except, if I’m being honest, L agreeing to be exclusive and move in with me feels like the real prize, so I can’t blame him for being excited. I might not be actually jumping, but the excitement is there. Even though I went into the final round with two choices, I think a part of me has always known it would be LM.

As much as RR seemed like a good option on paper—obviously from money, living in the city, liking all the fashion trends that my mother is into—we just never clicked the way I did with LM. Maybe if we’d met on an app before this show I would have wanted to date them, but now, after everything that I’ve experienced with LM as our connection has grown, I know RR and I would have ended up with yet another shallow relationship. We wouldn’t have been happy.

But LM? This feels like it could be the real deal. This is the most mature, yet also the most fun relationship I think I’ve ever been in. I can’t wait to meet them, and I can’t wait to see what they look like, even though at this point, I truly don’t care.

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