Page 17 of The Reality of Wanting Him

I glance at the clock and realize it’s nearly midnight, and I have no idea how that’s possible when it feels like we just picked up the phone to cook dinner.

“You should go to sleep,” I say, even though I don’t really want to end the call.

“Probably. But I like talking to you.”

That does something to me. It shouldn’t—I mean, it’s not like no one’s ever said that to me before—but the way B says it makes me really want to just ditch this show and meet them face-to-face tomorrow.

“Yeah,” I admit. “Me too.”

There’s a long stretch of silence, but it’s not awkward. It’s the kind of silence that means neither of us want to be the one to hang up.

“I’m gonna regret staying up this late,” B finally mutters.

“You definitely will,” I say, smirking. “And I’m not responsible for any of it.”

He lets out a dramatic sigh. “Wow, no accountability. Noted, L. That’ll bode great for us in the future.”

We’ve only known each other for a short time, and yet… the idea of anusdoesn’t sound so impossible. I shake my head, still smiling into my pillow. “Goodnight, B.”

“Night, L.”

The call ends and I stare at my phone for a moment before setting it down on the nightstand, reflecting on that conversation.

Yeah. Maybe it would be fun to have a partner who’s less serious than I am. I haven’t felt this light in a while, even if we did talk about heavier topics.

11

BLAKE

Producer:Do you prefer to plan a date, or be invited on one that’s already planned?

Blake:I think both? I’d like to bring my partner to do fun things with me, but I would also appreciate them inviting me to things that they want to do too.

Day three is a little hectic, but I manage to fit in dates with all five of my matches. The first hour flies by with LM. Even though we talked all night, it’s easy to pick up right where we left off. They tell me about a neighbor who’s helping out with the farm while they’re here, and I share a story about my mom’s last charity gala—where she spent the whole night trying to set me up with her wealthy donors’ daughter. I leave out the part about how badly one of those dates went. L doesn’t need to hear how rude the woman was to our waiter, or how she said it wasso greatwe were both blond no less than five times. There hasn’t been any chemistry with any of the women my mom has tried to set me up from her circle. I’m disappointedwhen the timer goes off, but we both agree to schedule another date for day four.

The next two dates don’t go nearly as well. Maybe it’s because my time with LM feels so effortless that everything else feels forced and awkward by comparison. I catch myself glancing at the clock more than once, silently willing the date to end.

When I got here, I was confident I’d want to keep my options wide open, play the field, and talk to as many people as possible to increase my chances of ending this show with a wife. But after today, it’s clear my strategy needs to change. It’s not about quantity anymore—it’s about the right connection.And I think I already know who mine is with.

If I’m still struggling to hold a conversation with someone at this point, I don’t want to force it, so I don’t plan any more dates with my second and third matches.

After lunch, things pick up again. My final two dates with RR and MW feel more relaxed. The conversations aren’t as deep as the ones I’ve had with LM, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have potential. I don’t want to count them out just because LM and I connected over something heavier early on.If I’m not bringing anything deep to the table, I can’t expect them to either.It’s not less valid—just different.

That said, LM is definitely monopolizing my time outside of the dates, and I’m not complaining. They talk me through making meatloaf while we laugh and joke the entire time. We stay up late again, and I find myself smiling like an idiot when we finally say goodnight.

At one point, they ask where I’d go if money wasn’t an issue. I tell them about some of the places I’ve traveled, and they say they’ve always dreamed of Hawaii. Their parents went there on their honeymoon and they remember their mom talking about how it was the most beautiful place in the world, and that they’ve wanted to visit it ever since.

As they’re telling me that, I catch myself imagining us going together. Even though I don’t know what they look like, it’s easy to imagine a vague daydream of holding someone’s hand as we walk along a beach, palm trees and ocean waves lapping against the sand. I’ve never subconsciously planned a future with anyone.That’s gotta mean something, right?

Day four feels a lot like day three, just with fewer dates. Since I’ve narrowed things down to only LM, RR, and MW, I finally have time to check out the apartment gym, which is a nice break. I message all three of them while I work out, sototally still being productive with dating.

That evening, Andy appears on the TV screen with a new update informing us it’s time to narrow down our connections to our top four. Which is irrelevant when I only really want to keep talking to the three of them that I have left anyway, so I only rank three.

Bright and early on day five, I wake up to a message from the producers reminding us that we’ll have to narrow our connections down to our top two by tonight. That gives us the next two days with just our top two to figure out who we want to move forward with as our final match. On day seven, we’ll determine if we want to ask someone to move in with us as the next step before an eventual proposal.

It’s cool that we have the opportunity to try out living together before getting engaged. Living with someone is more serious than any relationship I’ve ever been in.It almost feels like a bigger step than a proposal, because hopefully, by the time you propose, you already know their answer—and that you work well together as a couple. Living together means no pretending to be a better boyfriend than I am; they’ll seeallof me.

Today’s twist is “planning” our own dates. We each get to request props that the producers will deliver to the other person to use during our time together.

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