Page 205 of Pucking Around

“Metamour,” she repeats with a laugh. “It’s the polyamorous term for the platonic partner of your partner.”

“And how the hell do you know about metamours?”

“Because I’m a cultured and culturally sensitive globe-trotting scientist,” she replies. “And I’ve been known to dabble in polyam too.”

I sit up straight as an arrow, nearly dropping my phone. “What the fuck, Amy. You serious? Be so freaking for real right now.”

“Don’t pop a lung,” she laughs. “Remember you have a game to play tonight.”

“Amy…”

She huffs. “I don’t tell you everything about me, Jake. I experimented in college, and I’ve done some dating around recently. You know, filling that lonely void in my life. Nothing too crazy,” she adds. “Not like moving in with my goalie, my equipment manager, and my sports medicine doctor. How’s the sex, by the way? I bet it’s unreal,” she teases.

I fight to suppress the memories so my dick doesn’t get hard while I’m on the phone with my sister. “Amy, the scream that I could scream in this fucking car right now.”

She giggles. “That good, huh?”

I groan, fighting off the image of Rachel’s tits bouncing in my face as she rides my cock, Mars taking her from behind. “Best sex of my life. They slay me dead every time. I’m never going back. Never. They’re it for me.”

“I’m happy for you, Jake. And I can’t wait to meet your Seattle Girl.” I sense the hesitation in her voice. I’m ready for it when she says, “But…how will all this work? I can’t imagine your fans will be enlightened enough to appreciate the nuances of your sudden conversion to queer polyamory.”

“We’re working on it,” I reply.

“You’re working on it? What does that mean?”

“It means we have a plan, and we’re gonna come out, and it’s gonna be fine.”

“Wait, come out as in like…you’recoming out?”

“Well, I can’t very well let them go public without me,” I say. “We’re living inmyhouse, Amy.”

“Do you want them to go public without you?”

“Fuck no,” I growl. “I’m in this. All the way in. Til death do us part in, you feel me?”

“Yeah…but is that just with Rachel? You’re all in with Rachel and you approve of her having other lovers and you all cohabitate…or you’re all in with Cay and your goalie too?”

“Mars is straight,” I say quickly. “And he’s not my type. I told you; I don’t like guys.”

She sighs. “So where does that leave Caleb?”

“He’s mine.” The words come out on instinct, and I find there’s nothing left to be said. It’s the truth. Caleb Sanford is mine. I want him to be mine in all ways. But I’m afraid. I’m holding back. This weight I carry, this fucking trauma that eats at me, it’ll suffocate me if I let it.

“You need to talk to him, Jake.”

“No. Not on Toronto day. I can’t.”

“Maybe today is the best day,” she counters. “At some point, you’ve gotta let this go. I’m sure if you’d just talk to Caleb, he’d say the same.”

I sit in silence, the only sound the clicking of my turn signal. “I’m afraid,” I admit.

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid I won’t be enough. Afraid they won’t need me like I need them. I can’t tell Cay how I feel. I can’t carve out another piece of my fucking heart and hand it to him to hold. Not when she’s already got a piece.”

“Why can’t you give him a piece too?”

Fuck, now tears are stinging my eyes. I fight them back, admitting my deep dark truths to my twin. “What if he doesn’t love me the way I love him? What if he just wants to be my friend—”

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