Page 241 of As the Rain Falls
She shakes her head quickly, meaning to tell me that she hasn’t said anything important.
“For you, there’ll be no more crying.”
I recognize the lyrics almost instantly. She’s talking aboutSongbird. It’s a beautiful song, soothing like a lullaby. The kind of tune I’d put on if I ever needed to relax my mind and body enough to go to sleep.
I wonder if that’s what she thinks of it, too.
This kind of thought suits her.
“I don’t… I really don’t remember the rest of the lyrics anymore,” Cassandra admits after a while, pulling away to stare at her own hands guiltily.
She probably hates that I’m seeing her like this.
“Why should it matter?” I snort sadly. “I thought this wasn’t your favorite.”
“I think I lied to you about it.” Her gaze shifts back to me, eyes full of tears. “You know, I always wanted to learn how to play the piano, but we had to pay for our house instead.”
“Mn.”
“I would’ve learned this song.”
“It’s a pretty damn good song, baby.” I touch her cheek after I notice some redness lingering there, wanting to check if the skin is too sensitive or painful. “Are you feeling better now?”
“I don’t know. I can’t tell what I’m feeling,” her words come out a little too rushed, still confused. “What are the lyrics again? For you, there’ll be sun?”
A single tear drops from her eye. I catch it with my thumb.
“The sun will be shining,” I correct her, wetting my lips real quick before clearing my throat. “And then, it goes, like—” I clear my throat again, starting to sing softly. “And I feel like when I’m with you, it’s all right.”
“Right.”
She listens, or mostly tries to.Her thoughts seem to be too clouded, keeping her out of focus. I wonder where her mind goes when she’s too sad.
Suddenly, there’s noise outside. It’s Mr. Rivera’s voice, cursing loudly on the phone. It snaps her out of whatever trance she’s in, and her breath hitches, panic rising again.
“Beckett!” Cassandra gasps, tears starting to form at the corner of her eyes. “I don’t want to talk to him!”
“It’s okay.” I lie, my voice low. “Hey, Cassie. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. Don’t lie to me!” She presses her hands to her face, her voice going smaller with each word. “They took pictures of… of me. My father will see them.”
“We’ll get them deleted.” I swear, my hands are trembling.
“By now, the public school kids probably have their hands on them.” She closes her eyes. “Everybody saw me.”
“I didn’t.” I say, shifting her in my arms, tilting her head to meet my gaze. Cassandra combs her hair back with her fingers, sniffling loudly, desperate to hold onto something. “I didn’t see anything.”
“You saw me,” she insists, starting to pull Antony’s shirt over her head. “You can look now; they said it’s not even impressive.”
“Cassandra, I don’t want to look.”
I stop her, pulling the t-shirt back down gently.Our hands struggle together, but I don’t let go.I won’t let her hurt herself even more.Not if I can put a stop to it.
“Listen to me.” I lean closer instead of pulling away, speaking through gritted teeth because it’s getting harder for me toexpress myself clearly, too. “I don’t see anything you don’t want me to see, okay?”
“You saw it already!” she yells, losing control. Her green eyes shine, teary and red-rimmed. “You—”
“I saw nothing!” I stress the last word, touching the sides of her face to wipe away the tears again. “If you told me your bra was black right now, I’d have to take your word for it.”
