Page 220 of As the Rain Falls
“Be real with me.”
“Okay.” I nod quickly. “But you need to ask better questions, too.”
Cassandra pulls back, looking at the road and considering how to approach this. It takes her another minute or so to decide on what to do. I wait patiently, not minding the silence. It feels good to be awkward if I’m being awkward with her.
“Okay, I will,” she decides, licking her bottom lip before looking at me with resolve. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough, and maybe I should’ve worded things differently before. But what about today? Do you know the answer to my question now?”
Everything goes quiet.
Then, it all crashes back into motion.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, trying to push away all the confusion I still feel. “I saw you with him that day at Silvio’s. You were wearing my jacket but kissing him, and I thought…”
I start to admit to letting the emotion fully run through me for the first time. Mateo was quick to pick up the clues, and maybe I’d been just avoiding thinking about it all along to pretend it wasn’t true.
“I really hated every little thing about it.”
“Were you jealous?”
Her words come out quiet, vulnerable.
I don’t hesitate this time.
“Yes.”
“If I…” She swallows hard. “If I went back to him now, would you still feel the same way about it?”
I bob my head twice, struggling to speak again.
“I… I think so.”
My eyes drift lower, watching her nose flare a little, then my gaze stops at the fullness of her lips. I take a deep breath, trying not to think too much about how soft they felt just a second ago.
“If I kissed you now.” Cassandra gives me an impulsive kiss to my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, and stops as her lips brush against mine. “Like this.”
She presses her mouth to mine.
My heart stops.
“How does this feel to you?”
Good.
I close my eyes, letting her touch me, feeling her hands meet the sore spots between my shoulders and neck. She bites my lower lip, urging me to kiss her back. I give her a small peck in return.
“Do you like it?” We kiss again. “Is it good?”
“Yeah.” I swallow hard, letting her do whatever she wants. “It feels really nice.”
“Good,” she whispers, like it’s a secret no one else needs to know but me. “Because this doesn’t feel like death to me, Beckett.”
And it never will.
I kiss her back.
It’s instinctual, like coming back to life after being dead for so long. Was I sleeping before? Maybe I was, but I’m definitely awake now.
Her lips are warm, trembling with emotion, the kind that lasts a lifetime if you only let it grow. It’s all teeth and tongue. Moaning, tasting, exploring. I cup the sides of her face, angling her just right for me, deepening the kiss, getting lost in the moment…
