Page 219 of As the Rain Falls
I stare her down, forcing myself to take a step back and try to figure her out. It’s awkward and confusing. I don’t get where she’s going with this.
“Cassandra.” I pull back. “What are you trying to do?”
“I don’t know,” she breathes out, sounding honest but lost. “I guess I just want to see if it feels any different.”
The rain starts coming down harder now, harder than before, tapping against the surface and blurring the windows of my car. A storm that doesn’t stop, so unlike this fragile moment. Cassandra sounds like she wants to do something reckless out of spite, just to make a point.
“Every time he kissed me. Every single time,” she explains through gritted teeth, tilting my head towards her. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I always felt like pure death.”
Cassandra’s lips touches against mine again, soft and hesitant, testing the waters. She presses herself against me, trying to mold her body to mine, and the world slowly stops with how good it feels.
I didn’t expect it to.
Not even a little.
I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.
“I always thought about doing it with someone like you…” her words drag in doubt, an explanation stuck in her throat. “But the real thing, it’s still a little better.”
And understanding dawns on me that she’s just trying to use me for something. It stings a little, but I’m not mad about it either. Alex didn’t try to flirt with me for no reason. She’d been really unhappy about Nicolas, and I guess I seemed like a nice guy in comparison. Slow always wins the race.
“Why did you kiss him?” I ask, suddenly wanting to know what her thought process was all along. My lips are tingling, the ghost of her touch still lingering. “What was in it for you, besides all the pain and the obvious confusion?”
Her eyes roll a little, the kind of attitude that tells me how the answers to my questions don’t really matter. She actually goes as far as ignoring them altogether, asking me one of her own instead.
“Isn’t it funny how you never really answered me that night?”
“About what?”
“I asked you,” she smiles, looking sadder than ever before now. “I askedyoudirectlybecause I wanted to know if you wanted to kiss me then. You never answered.”
I snort, finding her words silly.
“That’s because you kind of sprung everything on me, Cass. Just like you’re doing now.” I swallow hard, my hands itching to do something. “I felt something, but I didn’t know what to say to you then, and I didn’t want to sound like I was saying something just for the sake of it either. And after that, we fought, and you were dating Caleb.”
“You felt something? For me?” she pauses, a little breathless. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“I still don’t know.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t wrap my head around any of it fast enough, I guess. I wasn’t expecting you to like me.”
“But I felt like it was all so obvious. It was obvious that I liked you a little, though.Likeyou. Istilllike you so much,” she counters, the corner of her lips twitching with disappointment. “How can you expect me not to? You call me sweetheart, and you’re so nice to me.”
“I…” I trail off, avoiding her gaze. “I’m not expecting anything. It’s not like I was doing it on purpose, either. It’s just what came naturally to me when we started talking on the phone.”
She raises a brow, her voice dropping.
“To be nice to me or to flirt with me?”
“You never told me anything about your feelings towards me as clearly as you’re doing now. How was I supposed to know the answers?” I sigh, eyes locking with hers again.
The disappointment fades from her delicate features, turning into frustration. I understand why she would feel that way, but still. She needs to try to understand me a little too.
“Cassandra, I’m not trying to lead you on, if this is what you’re thinking. We started texting, and I enjoyed that—”
“Then, don’t,” she snaps, shifting to cup the sides of my face. “Please, don’t lead me on.”
“I’m trying not to.” I tilt my head back and lick my bottom lip. It still tastes like her, just a little. “We’re talking right now, aren’t we?”
It’s clearly not enough, though. Because right after I say that, Cassandra begins to challenge me.
