Page 156 of As the Rain Falls
“Do you even realize what you’ve just done?”
It spills out of me, compulsive and wrong. Stop. Stop. Stop. What the fuck is wrong with—
“That’s my brother!”
My brother.The man who is going to kill me for what happened tonight.I’m so utterly terrified of him that I’ll do anything just to—
Stop.
Make him stop.
Makemestop.
I’m panicking. I’m just panicking, but Beckett doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know anything. It’s precisely why a voice whispers in my head:You’re not being fair to him.
The confusion starts to fade. I can see it clearly, how my words hit him like a bullet, piercing through his chest. I’m wrong. I’m saying the wrong things. I want out. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to see how the affection, the signs of protectiveness he just showed are draining from his face.
Every good moment between us, however small, was honest.
And yet, our fragile trust vanishes before my eyes.
Gone.
No one will ever want you back because you’re disgusting.
Look at you, look at what I can do to you.
You’re disgusting.
“Beckett, please, can we just drop it for now?” Kayla’s voice slices through the chaos. She presses me closer, trying to shield me from him. “She’s not okay, and you two are making a mess of things and embarrassing her for no reason.”
He shakes his head, blond hair falling in messy waves around his face. I watch his jaw clench, his throat bob, like he’s swallowing hard. And then—
One step back.
Then, another.
Don’t go.
“Wait, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” I open my mouth, wanting to call out his name. “I have to… Please, I have to talk to him.”
Don’t go.
Stay.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I turn to Kayla, feeling so sad. “I just wanted to help.”
“I know.” Kayla shakes her head, trying to sound nice about it. She just wants to protect me; I know that. “I know, Cassie. But let him go for now. You can always talk to him later, right?”
Understanding rushes in too late. His question before…
About lying to him.
It wasn’t just a question; it was important. Lucia is not just anybody; she’s his family, for fuck’s sake. Beckett won’t talk to me either or try to understand my side of things. And I can’t explain everything anyway, not without revealing at least part of the truth about Nathaniel. He won’t come back to me, not even if I beg him to.
And Beckett is already gone before I can ask him to hear me out, anyway.
A TERRIBLE SECRET
