Page 14 of The Last Dance

Part Two

One Year, Eleven Months Later – Present Day

4

Back Again

Henry

I carry in the last box from the moving truck downstairs. We’ve been here a week but only moved into our apartment a few days ago. The moving truck was a day late, so we’ve been living out of suitcases since we got here. It’s strange to be back in Portland. I definitely didn’t envision myself coming back after less than two years in LA. Really, I’m not sure if I saw myself ever coming back. I’m never going to be ready to face the life I left behind.

I called Graham the day after Ambri and I fell out and he offered me a job with him. After working for him the last couple years and knowing what a huge favor he did hiring me on short notice to begin with, turning him down when he offered to let me head up the new Portland office was something I knew I couldn’t do. It’s a huge step in my career and I’m actually excited to see what the future has in store. But it means I’m going to have to come face to face with the mistakes that I’ve never been able to forgive myself for. The mistake thatshewill never forgive me for.

My new apartment is about six blocks from my previous one. Which is kind of nice because I know the area, kind of not nice because it’s all so familiar. There’s a memory on every corner.

‘Is that it?’ Karmen asks from the middle of the kitchen, boxes surrounding her. I hired movers but when they got to the last few rows of boxes, I jumped in to speed things along. I was ready to be without strangers in our apartment.

‘That’s it. The last box. We’ve officially moved in together.’ A small smile plays on my lips as I look at her.

‘Oooh, scary.’ She laughs as she walks around the boxes, wrapping her arms around my neck and pecking a kiss on my lips. ‘It’s exactly how I always imagined it.’

‘Imagined what?’

‘Moving in with my Prince Charming.’

I laugh as she walks back into the kitchen. ‘I’m hardly a Prince Charming.’ I’ve got too many demons for that.

‘You are to me. You’ve got everything I wanted in a guy. You’re smart, charming, gorgeous, and even a little mysterious.’

I collapse onto the couch, tired from unloading the last of the truck. ‘Mystery is a desirable trait in a guy?’

Karmen and I have been together for a year. I probably didn’t do things exactly the way I should have, in fact I’m well aware that I didn’t do things even a little bit the way I should have, but when I got to California I felt like I could breathe again. Mostly. Distractions seemed to work for a while.

Ambri will probably never forgive me for leaving like I did. I know because she said exactly that. I regret everything about that night. Everything except for the couple hours where it was just us. I’ve never felt more like myself than I was right then. Things didn’t hit me until it was over. I can’t explain depression, but I knew I needed a change when I realized that my biggest problem was continuing to relive what happened every time I saw her. I couldn’t let myself continue to hurt the person that meant the most to me in my life. She was my person, as she always said. Yet she’s the one I ended up hurting the most besides myself. We haven’t talked in almost two years. She decided if I needed a new life that I could do it without her. To be honest, she’s better off without me.

‘It is when it results in your dream guy doing spontaneous romantic things all the time.’ She nods at the red roses sitting in the middle of the coffee table next to me.

Flowers are hardly a spontaneous act of romance, if you ask me. I’ve done so much more in the past. That guy’s been gone for a while, though.

‘I’m a romantic, I guess.’ I am, normally, but I’ve not been feeling very romantic recently. To tell you truth, she has no idea what’s going on in my head right now because I don’t want her to. I’m optimistic for the future but terrified of my past. If I told her, she’d worry and hover and that makes things worse, I’ve found. I don’t want a babysitter. It’s part of the reason I left to begin with. A babysitter is exactly what I’d turned Ambri into before I left.

Finding distractions might be a little harder living in the exact place I’ve been attempting to forget for the last couple years. I can’t avoid things here and I knew that when I decided to take the job. It was time to face things though. I need to find a way to let all this go. I just don’t know how.

‘When do I get to meet your old friends? I can’t wait to meet Ben and Claire. They sound like so much fun! I mean, besides Ben’s perverted side that you’ve told me about.’ She laughs. I’ve tried to give her fair warning of Ben. I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea with his tell things exactly as they are personality.

‘They are fun. I have no doubt you’ll meet them soon enough.’ I swallow down the worry creeping up on me. Where Ben and Claire are, Ambri is too. They aren’t onlymyfriends.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

‘You settled yet?’ Ben asks as soon as I answer.

‘If lounging around an apartment full of unpacked boxes counts as settled, we’re there.’

‘Did you tell her yet?’

Karmen doesn’t know much about Ambri. She knows all about Rory, Ben, Claire, even Ambri’s parents. She knows I was married before and that Rory died. I didn’t have the balls to tell her the details around my moving to LA. I hoped if I didn’t face it, it would go away. Now it’s staring me in the face and has the potential to blow up on me.

‘No. Did you?’

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