Page 106 of Voracious

He looks at me like it’s a dumb question and cups my face with both hands as he implores, “I need you safe.”

What does he think is going to happen? I’m not going to fall into the toilet and get flushed down while I pee.

He’s been weird all week and we haven’t left the house. Everyone has been visiting, which is weird too, everyone other than Vlad and I hope he’s not dead. I was just getting used to having an asshole brother.

“I’m sure there are no monsters in the toilet and I’m not going to fall in,” I say slowly to let the words sink in.

When he sees he’s being stupid and stops being my shadow, I feel better, but he doesn’t leave the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed as I go to the bathroom. I have new scars on my body and they’re tiny in size but huge in replacing the memories, I like these ones and I can get my tattoo now.

Dima is still sat on the bed when I leave the bathroom and I look at his neck as I ask, “How long did it take?”

His tattoo doesn’t stretch the full expanse of his neck, but I’ll be able to use it as a measure of how long mine will take. He doesn’t answer me and there’s sadness weighing down features and voice.

“Come here, lisichka.”

As soon as I’m within arm’s reach, he pulls me down to straddle his thighs and hugs me. Again. He’s very needy. I press my lips to his forehead because it always makes me feel better and he relaxes as he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

He doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me, like he has all week, as though he can’t believe I’m real. Prodding his cheek with my finger to make him move doesn’t work and I move around his face testing his skin. Nothing seems to snap him out of it, and I fight the urge to move his lips. There are no words leaving his mouth as he threads our fingers together then wraps both of his arms around me and pulls me forward to stop me touching him.

His lips don’t touch mine; they go to my forehead and his quiet voice is slow as he asks, “How you feeling, lisichka?”

My chest vibrates with my laugh as realization hits. He thinks I’m even more crazy because I killed Nina. I might have been in the time between pushing the knife into her throat and wakingup in the safe house, but I’m fine now and tell him in a way only I understand.

“All the filing cabinets are closed and organized.”

They’re not screaming at me anymore to find answers. I know where she is, buried in a cemetery and Inessa is going to help me plan a funeral for her. Nina deserves to be remembered, even if it’s a random person reading her headstone.

My nerves rise with Dima’s clouding the air. I try to lean back so I can look at him, but the position doesn’t allow me to, it just pushes my chest forward. He lets go of my hands and massages down my body with the same low tilt to his voice.

“I want you to come somewhere with me, krasotka.”

His nerves increase and I freeze as he reaches my ankles. He’s never mentioned the scars on my feet, assuming they were caused by Yulia, but I don’t want to admit the truth.

The strange atmosphere has me anticipating a bad conversation. It leaves as soon as he moves his hands back up my legs and he relaxes as I wrap my arms around his neck. Tapping my fingers against his shoulder, he squeezes me and kisses my neck. The admission on his tongue is quiet and filled with emotion.

“You’re the most important person in my life,” he takes a deep breath, “I keep seeing you passed out and coated in blood.”

I don’t know how many people I killed, Tali said he counted thirteen and Val counted fifteen. Dima isn’t afraid of me, he’s scared for me.I stroke up his nape and remind him of what he’s forgetting.

“I’m invincible, remember.”

He blows out a breath as though I’m joking. I’ve always had this idea that maybe I died to the world, so the Grim Reaper has forgotten me along with it too. When a random name was all I had for a father and there was no information about a mother, it was easy to lie and pretend they mourned me, the reality isworse and I’ve witnessed little, innocent babies being born from wombs of other children.

My excitement comes back.

I can kill her now.

As quickly as it comes, it dampens knowing I fucked up. Rowan would have told her it was me, fuck. Why did I have to shout what he always called me? I don’t scream threats or enjoy the showmanship. All of the sick rats will be going deeper underground because I’m an idiot.

Kissing Dima’s cheek, I squeeze him like he’s doing to me and agree to wherever he wants to go.

“I need to see Inessa first, then we can go?”

He doesn’t try to delay me, knowing she’s been clingy too, I’m sure she has a timer on her phone to ensure I get at least one message an hour and she’d probably offer me her lung right now if I asked for it.

My lips move across Dima’s cheek until I reach his lips and my smile is crazed. It stretches from ear to ear as he kisses me back with the same bone deep emotion as always and there are still no ants. He groans into me as I grind down, feeling him harden and I flatten my palms on his chest until he lays down. I’m stopped from moving further down how I want to as he grabs my throat and squeezes the sides, focusing on the wrong thing.

“Why were you asking about my neck?”

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