Page 31 of Vulnerate

“He’s like you, you had a mop when you were born. It nearly went into your eyes, but it would stick up everywhere.”

I nod, again. It’s all I’m capable of.

The room fills with the sound of it drinking. I need to stop calling it an it.Him.No, I agreed with Tali’s name, and I say it out loud, “Viktor, that’s his name.”

Finishing with the feed, Vlad hands the baby back to me with more instructions. “Hold him on your shoulder and rub circles on his back.”

I’ve not taken in a single fucking word because my son is staring up at me. His eyes are huge and Tali shuffles forward. He says his full name and Viktor’s lips lift at one side in a little smirk.

“Viktor Valentinovich Vartanov.”

He’s cute as fuck and I’m terrified of him. There’s milky spit on the corner his lips right on the peak of that smirk.

“If he ever gets arrested he’ll have time to run when they say his full name,” Tali murmurs. “Oh, and you just named your kid after me. Don’t worry Vitya, you’ll be like your uncle because your dad is a dumb fuck.”

Ignoring his commentary, I stare at the tiny human while Vlad gets him to shut the fuck up.

“Vitali, stop.” He steps closer to me and continues being my teacher. “Keep his head supported, he can’t do it himself, and lay him on your shoulder.”

I follow the repeated instructions and look up waiting for what to do next. “Now make circles on his back with the heel of your palm, do it slowly and gently or it will hurt him.”

I try to burp the baby and I’m pretty sure I’m having a mental breakdown. Dima doesn’t say anything as he moves around the room organizing everything and getting Tali to help him, so he doesn’t talk shit again.

Something wet touches my shoulder and I slowly turn my head to see what it is. Great, I’m fucking it up already and making my own kid sick. Mary fucking Poppins covered in tattoos and sins hands me a muslin with his reassurance.

“It’s normal, don’t worry.”

He kept me and Tali alive, so I’ll take his help.The sick doesn’t even look normal and I’m sure there’s something wrong with him. It’s like a crash course in life as Vlad takes the baby, and those huge cloudy eyes are freaking me out even more. They’re not a specific color and worry fills me.

“Are his eyes okay?” I ask.

Taking my dirty t-shirt off, I wait for an answer and Tali tilts his head to see what I’m focused on. Vlad doesn’t even look and calmly says, “He’s only nine weeks old, the color will come out in a couple of months.”

Laying the baby on the changing mat, he hardens his stare and instructs me to move. “Come here, you need to change his diaper.”

I’d prefer not to wipe someone’s ass but there’s no arguing and it’s my kid. I’d rather smell the sick than the smell that’s unleashed as he undoes the tabs of his diaper. I have to throw my arm over my nose and mouth to block the stench, and it muffles my worry.

“He needs a doctor, that’s not normal.”

Tali actually pauses eating and tilts his head back as he sits under the window at the furthest point in the room. Dima grimaces but I’m going to throw up. Vlad doesn’t even react and grabs my arm, pulling it away from my face and forcing me to get closer to the stench.

“You’ve been to the warehouse, butthisis bothering you?!”

I don’t speak because the smell is going to pollute the air in my lungs. I tilt my head back as he instructs me on how to wipe someone’s ass. He’s getting close to beating the shit out of me when he sees how I’m holding the cotton pad with the tips of my fingers.

“If this is how you wipe your own ass it’s no wonder you have skid marks.”

The insult forces my mouth to open, and I spit out, “I don’t have skid marks. I don’t want to get shit on my hand, don’t you have gloves?”

He hardens his eyes and tone. “Do it properly or I’ll make you sit in your own shit so you know how uncomfortable it will be for him.”

I lose all my unease and focus on what he tells me to do. Not because of the threat, I don’t want my kid to be in pain. The stupid fucking diaper tabs rip when I try to unstick them once I’ve cleaned him. I have hold of his, Viktor’s, my son’s, small little feet between my fingers as I grab another diaper. He has long legs, tiny feet that I stare at, and warm liquid hits my chest.

Tali’s laugh is choked as he folds in half wheezing, “Oh fuck, that was the best thing ever.”

There’s piss on me. Actual fucking piss and I hope Tali chokes on whatever he’s eating. Vlad tries, and fails, to hide his laugh.

“You need to be quicker, or he’ll keep pissing on you.”

---