Page 32 of Vulnerate

His warning is a little fucking late.I just hold the diaper like a shield and look at the small face sleeping comfortably. He’s pissing on me in his sleep, and Vlad swaps places with me.

He makes it all look too easy. It must be something that comes with age because there’s no way this shit is natural instinct. If it is then I don’t have the gene. He has the diaper on and wipes his legs down before expertly doing up the annoying ass buttons down his legs. The baby is tiny, and I can’t stop staring at him as I’m sent away.

“Go shower, I’ll watch him through the night.”

Me and this kid are doing great, so far he’s spit up and pissed on me. There’s only a few more bodily fluids for him to work through until he’s ticked them all off his list.I don’t argue and slowly step back. The intense protectiveness doesn’t allow me to leave the room until Dima presses his finger against my forehead, so he doesn’t touch any of the piss on me.

“Shower, now. You can’t hold him until you’re clean.”

Going to my room, I jump in the shower not waiting for it to heat up. If Dani was here she’d know what to do, she’d sing him lullabies and shit. Rock him and probably be laughing with Tali seeing that I’m totally fucking lost. Carly’s words repeat in my head, she’s got a new life because the bitch stole the one she had. My brain works overtime stretching and warping reality to fit what I want.

Dani disappeared eight months ago. Carly didn’t look pregnant. She was still doing the same shit. She could be covering for her. I try to remember the house party and recall if Dani was there as the icy water heats. Hope skews facts – she could have been. I was fucked and Talicame later. If my fuck up is not remembering fucking Dani I’ll deal with it, I’ll fix it. The slim to near nonexistent chance that the baby is mine and Dani’s has me smiling.

But she’d be here.

My girl wouldn’t have disappeared. She wouldn’t have left before I woke up and not mentioned anything. But I have a reputation of being a dick so obviously my sweet Dani would think I’m a piece of fucking shit and assume I didn’t give a fuck.

No, she’d tell me.

She knew she was mine, that I’m hers, so she would fucking tell me about our kid. I sink under the spray and bring my knees up as I press my back into the cold tiles.

1 Pedal before you’re pushed.

ELEVEN

Daniela

São Paulo is beautiful and tio Daniel is amazing. Spending time with my family has always been something I’ve treasured, but it’s still not home. Each day I spend here is filled with longing, I want to see Tali and Val and go back to my life

Tio comes out on the terrace and takes the seat beside me. Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he kisses my head and takes a deep breath getting ready to burst more bubbles of my life.

“I’ve spoken with the lawyers. Unfortunately, we can’t get your inheritance back from Carly, unless you press charges.”The last part holds hope I’ll change my mind.

I don’t care about the money. I care that her lies took me away from the only family I had and now they won’t be able to look at me. Seeing their plans to steal from Vlad were sickening, all over $50,000. It’s not even a large enough number considering the amount of debt we had. He doesn’t try to argue for me to say different as I refuse, yet again.

“She can keep it, it’s not important.”

It’s been the same conversation ever since I found out – he thinks I’m being too nice — but money and greed have already taken everything away, I’m not going to fall into the same toxic cycle.

Speaking softly as my cousin Isabella comes out, he tries to make me feel better as he gently suggests, “Maybe you could visit your friends, Isabella has always wanted to go to New York.”

She’s a year older than me and more of a sister than Carly ever was. If I go back home I’ll only have to leave it. They used me, made it look like I was in on their scheme and Vlad won’t let me anywhere near Tali and Val. He’s scary enough when he was trying to be welcoming.I have no idea how he’ll act now that he thinks that I was going through his house when I was staying there. I hate her more for that than taking my money. They were all I had, and my throat constricts.

Isabella doesn’t come to sit with us seeing the one sided conversation currently going on. Tio kisses my head again and hugs me closer.

“You know you were born on this property? Lucas came for one of his rare visits and I’ve never seen my older brother as happy as he was that day.”

It’s nice that he finds comfort in lies and I don’t have the heart to break his illusion.I wish he was my dad, that I grew up here with tia Elsa as my mom. Both of them are kind, warm, supportive, and constructive. The best parents and the scenery is better than the city. When I don’t add anything to the conversation he gets up and goes back inside. Isabella doesn’t move and starts her laps in the pool, she’s like a fish always doing lengths until she decides she’s sick of my moping.

Taking out my new phone, I create an anonymous email address. Val will be angry with me, he always sides with Vlad after he’s got his argument off his chest. But Tali won’t, he’ll listen to what I have to say and maybe he’ll convince them that I didn’t have anything to do with what Carly did.

Hey Tali,

I’m sorry for what Carly and Leno did. I didn’t know, she told me some messed up story. That doesn’t matter. I’m sorry anyway. I miss you, and Val. Even Vlad and Dima.I know it’s crazy, but I got used to seeing Dima’s grumpy face and hearing him grumble back at me when I said good morning.Have you watched any new movies? Did you do anything for Val’s birthday? I bet he was insufferable about finally being 18 and kept callingyou a kid.

Are you angry at me?I get it if you are, I would be if you had done something to my family. I was when Carly made me think Vlad beat the shit out of her. I found out it wasn’t him and Leno owed money to someone. We don’t know who yet, or I don’t, but it seems like I’m the only person in my family who isn’t in debt. It’s kind of funny when I think about it. Or I’m laughing because I’m scared that if I cry I won’t stop.

I miss you more than my parents or sister. That’s really fucked up, not you, I mean me. I should miss them more, right? But all I keep thinking about is that it’s your birthday soon and it’s going to be the first one I miss since we were 7. I’ve already missed Valentin’s. I hope you get everything you want.

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