Page 98 of Viparious

“Vanya, please.”

Open your eyes.

Just once.

Smile at me again.

I already know it won’t work but I need to try. She’s cold, but when she’s warm again, it will be okay. Yeah, she’s just cold. I’ll get her warm and she’ll be okay, she’ll smile again. I blindly pull all the blankets out and hug her to my chest before wrapping them around her.

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay. Just get warm.”

My body rocks as I sit on my knees and kiss the top of her head.Cold. She’s so cold.

Vanya likes bayu bayushki, it always makes her laugh and I hum it as I keep rocking her.

She’ll get warm. I’ll give her medicine. She’ll be okay.

The sky changes from pitch black to navy blue, and I keep kissing her head.

“Come on, Vanoushka, can you smile for papa?”

Her eyes don’t open.

She’s not coughing.

Her arms and legs are stuck in place.

I’ve seen people like this before and my chest moves too fast. It’s wrong, there’s no blood. The others had blood on them, and their eyes were open. Vanya’s eyes are closed, so she’s just sleeping.

The blue of the sky slowly starts to get lighter, and I press my ear to her chest, there’s no sound. Just cold. No. I closed the window, I know I did.

I made a snowball.

And gave it to Valyusha, so he stopped crying and wouldn’t want to go outside.

Then I closed the window.

Watched them all play.

Vitya was teaching her to kick.

Valyusha was being grumpy, and I bathed him because that makes him feel better.

But the window was closed.

I think.

I stand up, looking for something to help. There’s nothing outside, just snow. Len and Anika will take her away, like they did with the others I killed, and I’ll never see her again.

The black church gates stick out against the blanket of white, and I know what I can do. I’ll see her every day and I’ll never leave her.

“I’m sorry, Vanya. Papa’s sorry.”

Or I can stay with her there, and I won’t have to leave her at all. Ever. We can just go to sleep together.

Yeah. I’m her papa. I can’t leave her. Papas don’t leave their babies. My stomach hurts as though I’m going to be sick but only words come out.

“I’m sorry, I thought I closed it.”

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