Page 81 of Rules of Association

His body shook and I assumed he was laughing, but the sound he made was humorless. “I mean, I have to scare off every man that catches sight of you when we’re together.”

“You do that?”

“Of courseI do that.”

I shook my head, not believing him. “Noteveryman.”

Turning me around, he pressed my back against the car surface and laid a hand on the window above my head. “Every. Single. One, Celestia. There’s not a man alive that can resist looking twice at you. You’re captivating.”

I swallowed, my throat feeling dry and my body feeling warm. But a good kind of warmth. The kind that fills you up and makes you spill over.

“What’s the second war?” I asked in a whisper. Peering up into his light brown eyes with a curiosity I couldn’t ignore. He was being so honest right now. Even though his voice was cracking and his tone had gone gravelly and he had this pleading sense about him, he was being honest with me for the better or worse of our friendship. It was an honesty I couldn’t resist investigating.

Ironically, as soon as I did, something in his open eyes closed off. Grunting, he shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do.”

“ThenIdon’t want you to know.” His voice went low and whisper light as he flickered hazel browns over my face. We were close. Close enough that I could feel the heat of his chest over mine. The current of his breaths rushing past my face. “It’s a need-to-know thing and for now it’s my secret.”

I contemplated this for a second. Did I want to know what other so-called invisible war he was talking about, of course. But could anything feel better in that moment than the crashing relief that Connor did not find me disgusting? Not likely.

I was soaring. My heart feeling weightless and my stomach feeling fluttery all of a sudden. A complete one-eighty from how I felt in the car. I sort of wanted to bask in this escalated feeling of acceptance. The uncanny sense that I was desired. I could worry about the other details later.

Nodding slowly, I said, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I said okay already.” I wasn’t looking at him, because how could I look at him after he’d saidall that?

Using a finger just under my chin, he made me. Then, reestablishing some level of our usual friendship, he smashed my cheeks together, giving me a duck face. “Are you done asking crazy questions now?”

“Yes,” I said. As I did, he honked my duck cheeks. I giggled and Connor looked down on me with the same amount of seriousness as ever.

“Done with your temper tantrum too?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Alright, then.” He let go and stood up straight, leaving me feeling unguarded against the open night air. With a stiff nod he said, “Now you know what I think.”

My eyes burned up into his. Words like‘this body’and‘goddamn perfect’running through my brain on repeat. Driving me crazy with curiosity and confusion.

To him, I simply agree, “Now I know.”

His eyes burned right back. “Then don’t mistake me again.”

I nodded again but blinked away from him, needing a break from this contact before I exploded. My eyes landed on the small glass box of the gym in front of us. “What are we doing here, anyway?”

“Self-defense 101.”

Chapter Twenty

CONNOR

“What!” The sound of Ceci’s excited voice followed me as she stuck close to my elbow, bouncing with every step.

I needed a second. I needed several seconds actually, after almost divulging to Ceci that her very presence caused a daily battle not to be attracted to her. Not to be so distracted by her radiance every waking second of every single day. Was she really that dense? Did she really not know that she was the hardest thing to look away from and the easiest thing to fall into?

I needed to get my head on straight. Both of them. Now was not the time to be lusting over my best friend.

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