Page 82 of Rules of Association

Best friend.

The words never sounded as dull as they did now. Not when, for the first time ever, she was practically broadcasting that she might be ready for something different. Something more? She must be, if she was seeking reassurance from me, something she had never done.

But now was not the time. Not when she was going through all that she was lately. Not when for the past two weeks she had been jumping out of her skin around every corner. Constantly second guessing herself and falling into long minutes of staring off into space. Not when she wasn’t really being Ceci.

Now was the time for her to recenter herself. And while most of our centers were water or air or something else soft like that; Ceci’s center was all steel. Rigid and immovable and hard as hell. Underneath all of Ceci’s confidence has always been the sense of control her fearlessness brought her. Since she was strong, she felt like she could handle anything.

Being snuck up on had cracked that control.

In the time since the attack she had been tearing herself apart for losing that control over the outcome of it. Every time I actually got her to talk about it with me, she wished she had done things differently. And every time she refused to talk to me about it, I could tell she was wishing the same thing.

It was clear she was feeling ungrounded about the whole thing. Which is why I thought giving her grounds to walk on would be a step in the right direction of getting her back to normal.

Tossing a look over my shoulder, I said, “You heard me the first time, we’re taking a self-defense class.”

“We?” she asked, her eyebrows lifting.

“Yeswe,” I repeated. “Is that allowed, Queen Ceci?”

Pausing, she looked at me for a second. Like, really looked, and it was instantly the only way I needed to be looked at for the rest of my life. Like I meant something to her. Like I could possibly mean everything to her. Like everything I was in that moment was enough.Morethan enough even.

It was times like this that made me wonder what those looks really meant to Ceci. What was going through her mind to make her eyes go so wide and glassy and for this foreign softness to overtake her face? Because it couldn’t just be friendship that made her look at me like that. It couldn’t.

Cool fingers wrapped around my forearm jolting me out of my thoughts and back to the scene in front of us. A woman had materialized from behind the front check-in desk, popping up with a huff and a smile while she noticed us standing there.

“Here for the SD course with Jenny?” she asked.

Ceci, whose eyes were as wide as a kid’s at the zoo, looked from the sneak attack lady to me expectantly. It was weird. I’d never seen her wait on me for anything, so seeing her hang on my arm with what looked like excited fascination was unexpected. I liked it. I’d have to surprise her more often.

Ceci tugged on the arm she was holding, trying to get my attention.

“Tell her, Con!” she whispered excitedly.

I couldn’t help smiling at her. Looking down my arm I took a second to survey the girl next to me. She was excited, which made her adorable. Turning back to the woman I gave her a nod. “Yes, the uh, 101 course.”

“Well, you’re right on time!” the woman said, chipper as ever. Moving so that her body was leaning over the other side of the ovular desk she pointed toward the back left of the gym. This was mainly a fighting gym, from the looks of it. Mats and rings and bags were set up in various corners of the room. General gym equipment congregating in the middle creating the makings of a modest but up-to-date workout gym. “Go ahead and follow the walkway to the back left and you’ll see Jen up front. She’s got pink hair; you can’t miss her.”

“Thank you,” I said as I led us both around the counter, aiming for the back left.

Turning just slightly as she followed me, Ceci asked the woman, “What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m Chelsea you cute little thing you. What’s yours?”

She grinned. “I’m Ceci.”

She followed me blindly along the back edge of the room, her focus too grabbed by everything else around her. That was okay, I could be her eyes. Using a gentle hand on her shoulder blades, I guided us where we needed to go. When we reached the glass doors that led into a small room off the left wall, Ceci smiled a dopey smile at me too.

“I like her.”

“Oh yeah? Why?” I challenged, pulling the door open while trying to suppress my smile. No doubt it was some non-reason. The girl lived her life off vibes alone.

“I dunno, I just do,” she said. I just shook my head.

That was Ceci. Yes or no. Do or don’t. So sure and never apologetic about it. We had been in here less than five minutes and she was already starting to come back. In the car I was beginning to worry that this was a bad idea but seeing her so fascinated by everything was putting those worries to bed.

Inside the glass room were black matted floors and just about nothing else. Large bags were stacked in the back corner and some other gym equipment like medicine balls and free weighted items were there too, but for the most part the room was wide open.

At the front, was a girl with pink hair just like Ms. Chelsea said. It was long and brown at the roots and this ashy pink color that faded and twisted into her braid. She was small, both in height and in stature, but you could just tell by her definition and even in the way she stood that she was strong. I don’t know why I looked over at Ceci after seeing her, but when I did, it seemed fitting that she was smiling at her the same way she smiled at Ms. Chelsea.

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