Page 67 of The Magic of Provence

‘I think so. Why don’t we try it this time? I’ll stay on the couch and you could go to bed for a couple of hours. I might even be able to manage to do it by myself.’

‘That’s not fair. You’re the one who’ll have to go to work later.’

‘I’m good at sleeping. Thank you for bringing pillows and blankets down for the couch.’

They both pulled a blanket over themselves as they settled back onto the soft leather cushions of the couch. Being this tired also seemed to make you feel cold. Fi was almost shivering, so she snuggled into the blanket she had taken from her bed upstairs, pulling it over her shoulders to tuck around her neck.

Bouton raised her head to look at them but then let it droop and closed her eyes again. She didn’t need a blanket over her tonight. With a little time to spare before the car trip up to the old barn in the mountains, and hearing what Fi was planning to do with Laura’s old jumper, Jeannie had dashed over with some wool needles, a ball of yarn and instructions. Ellie had helped her cut the garment up and make it into a soft, warm coat for the foal. She also had the warmth of another animal lying close by. Heidi had taken her time to greet Bouton and let herself be sniffed and then she’d settled on the edge of the straw nest to guard the new baby.

Christophe smiled at his dog. ‘I think she’s in love,’ he said.

‘Bouton might start to think Heidi’s her mother.’

‘Marguerite and Coquelicot will take her place but it’s nice that she can have an animal friend inside, yes?’

Fi was smiling too. ‘It’s always special to see different animals that love being together.’

Christophe put a pillow behind his head. It was close enough to be touching Fi’s pillow. For a long moment, they sat there in silence. Fi was beginning to drift into sleep when she heard Christophe’s soft query.

‘Have you ever been in love, Fiona?’

Oh… She didn’t open her eyes. ‘Only once,’ she said. ‘So far.’

Withhim… and it wasn’t in the past tense.

Christophe’s body was close enough to her own to feel the tension gathering, like the string of a bow being pulled back. ‘Was it withhim?’ The word was the arrow being fired. ‘Thebastardowho hurt you?’

‘No.’ Fi shook her head sharply. Her desire for the attention of Murray McKay had been based on nothing more than a crush. It had never been love. She hadn’t known him and she’d found out the hard way that she couldn’t trust him. ‘I didn’t even know what being in love felt like back then.’

‘But you do now?’

Fi nodded. She couldn’t meet Christophe’s gaze and she couldn’t even begin to explain what it felt like to be experiencing this for the first time. It was so totally different from the love she had for her mother and sisters. The love that was still there for her father and was being uncovered enough to feel real but not the same as it had been. It was different from the love that she felt for the children in her life now and the animals she loved to be around so much. There were elements of how deep all those kinds of love could be but, if the love she had for all these people and animals were the shining stars of a night sky,thiskind of love was the sun coming up the next morning.

Christophe’s voice broke the spell being cast by her thoughts.

‘Did he feel the same way?’ Christophe asked.

‘No.’ The word came out in a whisper.

‘That was unfortunate.’ Christophe’s tone was sympathetic. ‘Perhaps he couldn’t see how lucky he was.’

Oh, help… this was becoming a dangerous conversation.

‘It wasn’t his fault. He had his own issues and it didn’t help that I can’t… that I’m…’

…frigid?

No. She couldn’t use that word. She had no doubt that the people who’d thought she was weird, like her old boss, might have used it when they were talking about that ‘weird Gilchrist girl’ behind her back, but maybe it wasn’t true. She’d just never had the chance – or the courage – to even try and find out. Not that she could say that to Christophe, of all people. Fi knew she should stop talking. Right now. But the words just formed themselves and fell out of her mouth.

‘It’s just because no one has ever wanted me,’ she said. ‘Not like that.’

She’d shocked herself as well as Christophe. The breath she caught a heartbeat later sounded horribly like a stifled sob. It was no surprise that Christophe put his arm around her shoulders, as if he wanted to comfort her.

‘That’s not true,amore,’ he said softly. ‘You might not have seen it, but I can tell you that there are many people out there who will want you and… the man you choose will be the luckiest man in the world.’

Fi blinked hard. She didn’t want to cry. She especially didn’t want to cry in front of Christophe. She didn’t want to move out of the circle of his arm, either. She turned her head just enough that her cheek could press against his ribs.

‘Your trust got broken when you were hurt,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s no wonder that you find it hard to let anyone close enough to… to love you back. But, you know… that kind of touching is simply the way to feel the love, instead of hearing it in words or seeing it on your lover’s face. It can be the most beautiful thing.’

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