Page 94 of Hell's Gator

“I know.”

“That’s some bullshit. Your clan might accept the excuses you give them when you’re out there for three or four weeks at a time — I don’t. If you don’t trust me, you don’t trust anybody, and frankly that’s the conclusion I’ve come to. You don’t trust anybody, not even me.”

“I understand,” she said softly. “Thank you for at least coming back to tell me.”

He looked at her, standing a few feet away from him, her hands clasped in front of her, her head down, her eyes focused on the floor. “You think I came back to tell you I’m leaving?”

She shrugged. “I thought you already left. Emmalyn called to tell me that they found your clothes floating in the water by their house. I figured I’d never see you again.”

“Is that what you want? And think long and hard before you answer. I’m over any kind of game, word games included.”

“I’m not in the mood to tease either. No. It’s not what I want.”

“Tell me what you want.”

She raised her gaze to his. “You.”

“I can’t do this your way.”

“I know.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“We? We’re still a we?”

“Hellen…”

“Alright, okay. We’re going to learn how to trust.”

“Thought we tried that already.”

“You tried that already. I just figured I’d keep being me and it would be all good.”

“How’d that work for you?” he asked wryly.

“It didn’t. I almost lost my mate.”

“It’s not that you almost lost me. It’s that I put everything into you. I just knew you wouldn’t do to me what you do everybody else. Show the hard ass you are all you want, but let me see the real you. Only you didn’t. You treated me just like everyone else. You put yourself at risk, you put your clan at risk, and you made a fool out of me.”

“How did I make a fool out of you?!”

“By making me look like an idiot for believing in you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just used to doing things by myself.”

“Why?”

“My brother was the fuck up, everybody was always worried about making sure he made the right choices, even after he started making the right choices. My younger brother is crazy smart, and they were always raving about him. I just kind of fell between the cracks. I was the one nobody thought they had to worry about. I’d always do the right thing. They all just assumed that I could handle whatever it was. So I did. I didn’t ask for anything. Whatever came up, I handled it. If I got in trouble, which was rare, I asked forgiveness then.”

“Ask for forgiveness rather than permission.”

“Exactly. It wasn’t that they didn’t love me. They always loved me, I didn’t doubt that. It’s just that they didn’t have to worry about me. Then my brother left, and I didn’t have anyone to confide in anymore. Even if he was the fuck up, he was my fuck up. Then my clan began to meet their mates and pair off, and I didn’t. I started spending more and more time away and nobody even noticed. They never asked. I mean, sure, they’d tease about me looking familiar when I showed up again, but nobody really asked what exactly I was doing. If I was okay ornot. So, again, I handled it. I love the wilderness. I love the animals. It’s always given me peace. So, I decided that would be my life. I never thought I’d have a mate. And I didn’t until you showed up.”

“Technically, you showed up.”

“You know my point. None of it is anyone’s fault. It’s that I was trusted so much to do my thing without question, that I did. I got used to it, and to being alone.”

“The squeaking wheel gets the grease. And you were anything but the squeaking wheel.”

---