Page 186 of Between the Blue
“No.” Ben seems to snap out of whatever state he fell into, standing back up to his full height suddenly, shoving Rhett away and moving past him.
“Bennett–”
Before I’m able to predict his next move, Ben whips around the corner, heading for the door.
But I’m standing right in his path.
His feet skid to a stop, and his watery gaze trails down my entire figure and back up again. In the meantime, Rhett’s come around the corner as well, stopping when he realizes what he’s stumbled upon.
Ben’s mouth opens.
I think he’s about to scream at me. Call me out on eavesdropping. Fire me on the spot, if that’s even in his power. But, instead, he closes his mouth, a single tear streaming down his face as he does it. He wipes it roughly away.
“Cherry?”
Something in me makes me take a step back. Maybe it’s the final puzzle piece clicking in place. The one telling me to let him go. The one that’s just discovered that Ben was never really going to give his heart to me, because clearly it’s belonged to someone else this whole time.
So I turn.
And I walk away from him.
forty-nine
HIM, TEN YEARS EARLIER
I walked away from her.
Nearly a year to the day now.
I didn’t fight for her.
I made a clean break.
And I completely shattered my heart to do it.
But I knew it had to be done.
Because I wasn’t sure I’d survive it if I ever let myself hope for a future with her. For a chance that we’d find our way back to each other. Like it’d all work out like one of those picture perfect rom-com movies.
Because this is real life.
And, in this life, Jules doesn’t want me.
And it doesn’t matter at the end of the day how much you want someone if they just don’t want you. You can give them every piece of your heart. Strip away every last bit of your soul. Take your every breath for them. But you’ll just be left with nothing in the end.
And I think that’s just about where I’ve found myself.
So I’ve been trying to find my way back to who I used to be ever since. To the now nearly non-existent version of myself that didn’t have a piece of her in me.
There have been days where I wondered if it was worth it. More honestly than the days I didn’t.
I questioned if it was really possible. If what I felt for Jules could really be as permanent as the tattoo on my wrist for her.
Some nights, I thought about just calling her. And others, I’d hear my phone ringing and be so sure it was going to be her.
But I never did. And it never was.
I took a long look at myself in the mirror. Reminded myself that I was drafted in the sixth round. Remembered the feeling in my chest in those moments when I thought I might not be drafted at all. When I thought I’d let it all slip away.
