Page 187 of Between the Blue
Tried to make myself sit in the feeling. Tried to make myself care. About anything at all really.
Made myself realize I was in the NHL.
That I needed to act like it.
That I needed to appreciate it.
That I needed to prove my worth.
That I needed to let her go.
I made Texas my home, the best that I could.
Kept myself busy, which wasn’t hard.
I thought college hockey was demanding. But the NHL is a whole new league. Literally.
I’ve had practically no life outside of hockey. But I’m glad. I needed it.
I knew I couldn’t have free time.
I couldn’t have the option to go home. Because, if I went home, I knew there was no way I could not see her.
And then I’d be back where I started.
But hockey season doesn’t last forever.
Summer has come.
And it’s time to go home.
I put it off as long as possible. So long that it's been unfair to my family.
But it’s more than that now.
Sutty needs me. That’s a whole other story though.
Regardless, I’m here.
And the second I crossed the city limit line, it’s like I could feel her.
It’s been a few days, and I keep thinking I’m seeing her out of the corner of my eye everywhere I go.
And, as much as I’m trying not to think of her, by the time the weekend comes, I start to questionhowI haven’t seen her.
Especially now, on a Saturday night after hours at Bar None with Sutty and all of our old friends. The same friends she always ran with.
This bar is the place to be. The place we always were.
I take a sip of my beer. Glance down at my watch.
10 p.m.
The roller rink is long closed.
Where is she?
I could ask Sutty if he knows. Question some of my friends in the bar if they’ve seen her around. But I think they’ve programmed themselves not to talk about her around me. Pretty sure I have Sutty to thank for that.
