Page 95 of When Fate Breaks
“...Yeah?” I manage to croak out.
“Well…I guess…” Blake runs a hand down his face. “I guess this was just never a day I planned on living.”
If it was possible, I think my heart just broke for somewhere near the tenth time today. I fight against the oncoming tears as I roll on to my side, facing Blake. “Blake, nobody would have planned for it,” I whisper. “You shouldn’t have had to.”
Blake blows out a long breath. “I don’t think I can do it, Evangeline,” he breathes, finally peeling his eyes from the ceiling and turning his head to meet my gaze. As he does so, I notice, for the first time since entering the room, a three-quarters empty bottle of whiskey on the bedside table behind him. In the same moment, I catch the faint scent of the liquor still on his breath. I don’t get more than two seconds to process it, however, as Blake’s next words slap me square in the face and in the heart at the exact same time.
“I can’t be all my mom has,” he chokes, his blue-green eyes pooling with moisture. “I’m not ready for this.”
“Hey,” my voice trembles, my hands reflexively shooting out to catch Blake’s face as his head starts to fall in the opposite direction, forcing him to look at me. His eyes dart back and forth between mine as I wipe away his few escaping tears from his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. “You don’t have to be. Just take it day by day.”
Blake slowly rolls his body in my direction until he is fully facing me. The crease between his brows deepens and I immediately reach up, smoothing it out with my thumb. Blake’s lake colored gaze burns into me with more pain and emotion than I think I am capable of comprehending. My hands stay firm on his strong jaw as he begins to shake his head.
“It just feels like nothing makes sense anymore,” he says. He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, stifling a cry trying to work its way out. “Nothing feels real.”
My vision blurs, a dull ache working its way through my ribcage. I’ve never felt so completely and utterly helpless. I’m not sure of much of anything in this moment.Anything but this.
“I’m real. I’m here.”
Blake’s gaze finds mine again, surveying me. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” I nod. “As long as you need me. I’ll be here.”
Blake lets out a shaky breath. “I need you now.”
My own breath hitches in my throat, all of the air seeming to escape my lungs at once.
If the last week of my life has taught me anything, it’s that control is an illusion. As much as the thought sickens me and goes against everything I’ve always believed, life will do what it wants, when it wants, regardless of your plans. It’s become apparent that all we have in any given moment is choice. A choice of what we will do right now.
There is absolutely no telling the future and, whether or not that fact threatens my very sanity, I have to take it in stride. Or at least I have to try. I can do that. I can make a choice right now. A choice to be here now and to let the future do what it may. A choice to be here now. For Blake.
I pull Blake in, his face settling in the crook of my neck, his few straggling tears soaking into my shirt collar. “Okay,” I whisper.
His breath is warm on my neck, sending goosebumps down my spine. The moment I shiver, Blake reaches down, smoothly kicking the comforter at our feet up to his grasp to pull it over us. Though he’s trying his best to hide it, I can hear and feel him still quietly crying. My hand drifts from his cheek to his back, rubbing it in circular motions as an attempt to comfort him.
“Evangeline?”
“Hmm?”
“I might…need you…later on, too.”
A single tear spills down my cheek. I know if I speak that my voice will crack, so I stay silent and nod, insisting on staying strong for Blake right now.
I feel Blake’s arm drape over my waist, enveloping me in warmth. I push my tongue into my cheek as I work up the courage to say something, but my train of thought is cut off by Blake, who suddenly pulls my body completely flush with his. I can feel his heart beating through both of our thin t-shirts, his face nuzzling deeper into my neck as he lets out a heavy sigh.
We stay that way for what feels like several minutes, not speaking, clung to one another, limbs entangled, creating a cocoon for two within Blake’s dark plaid comforter. As the seconds tick by, I feel Blake’s breathing deepen, his body relaxing. My own eyelids finally fall shut and manage to stay closed for the first time tonight. I’m convinced that Blake has long passed out and can feel sleep finally consuming me just as I hear Blake’s barely audible voice.
“But I’ll always want you.”
My lips part at the same time my eyes just barely peel open, blinking hard once, not even fully taking in the dark ceiling of Blake’s bedroom, and, right then, I feel it.
A stutter of my heart. A deep ache in my gut. Like a puzzle piece being clicked into space. I let the feeling overwhelm me as I drift off to sleep, refusing to let my brain take this from me.
A spark.
17
PRESENT DAY
