Page 94 of When Fate Breaks
“But I’d probably be a little bit better if you stayed with me…” My gaze snaps to Blake’s and I see his demeanor soften. “Just for a little while…?” he whispers.
My pulse pounds in my ears, goosebumps prickling my arms and neck. I hate this wall of tension between me and Blake right now. I want to do what I can to help him, but part of me feels like I might just make things worse. I open my mouth to say I think it may not be a good idea, but my real voice decides at the last moment to go against all the voices in my head.
“Okay.”
Blake scoots over, making room. I sit lightly on the bed, laying down flat on my back so that my and Blake’s bodies are parallel to each other, both of us staring at the ceiling.
The silence over the next few minutes becomes deafening, the wall of tension thickening. Both of our eyes are fully open. Blake’s moved one arm to rest behind his head again while both of mine still lay straight and awkwardly at my sides. When I can’t take it any longer, I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.
“There’s six hundred and forty-seven books in your game room.”
Blake remains still, not turning to look at me or reacting physically in any other way. “Really?” he mutters after a few seconds.
Why did I say that?
And why am I having to think so damn hard about what to say to Blake Di Fazio?
“Yeah,” I breathe, responding to Blake.
“Hmmm,” he hums. “Good to know.”
“Yeah…”
Regret pricks at my chest for being so demanding of him today. I barely know what to think yet when it comes to Kyle’s death. How could I have expected Blake to be ready to talk about it so soon? And to me of all people. Assuming that I’ve earned that right. I guess I just...wanted it. Another bullet point to add to the list of my control freak nature. Not allowing people to feel on their own terms.
Jesus, Annie.
Just as I fear the painful silence is about to return and I start convincing myself not to bolt straight out of this room, Blake lets out a heavy sigh. My eyes flick in his direction from flat on my back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
My eyelids fall shut and I swallow down the welling emotion in my throat before I slowly turn my head to look at him.
Blake’s gaze stays on the ceiling, but I can see the new layer of shine present in his eyes. “For earlier,” he clarifies.
“Don’t be,” I choke out. “It’s my fault for pushing you. It was selfish. It was just eating me up…not knowing what you were feeling. I just wanted you to talk to me.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I didn’t know how to put what I was feeling into words,” Blake says, his voice tight. “So I just showed you instead.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” Blake shakes his head. “I just...”
“What?”
Blake stays silent for a moment, emotion etched deeply between his brows. He swallows hard, blinking several times. When he finally responds, it’s barely audible.
“It hurts.”
My throat goes tight, the backs of my eyelids burning.
Dammit.
I open my mouth with no clue how to even begin to respond to that statement. All I want to do is hold him. But I can’t move. And I’m not even sure he’d want me to. I just don’t know.
I don’t know anything.
Blake clears his throat, carrying on and pulling me from my swirl of thoughts. “You know that I’ve never been a person to take life too seriously. I’m not a planner. I just live day by day.”
