Page 129 of Eternally Yours
“I know you do, so does he. But you have every right to want some space from the whole situation. It’s a lot to take on, and if I were in your situation, I don’t think I’d be handling it as well.” She brushes my hair behind my ear. “And for what it’s worth, Silas knows how upset I am with him. I won’t punish my grandchild for howit was conceived. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be mad at its father for how stupid and reckless he was.”
She shakes her head with a sigh. “I was so excited to have grandchildren, but now with the circumstances, I feel guilty being happy about it. I really wish things were different and it was you...” Her comment makes me sob into my hands because I keep wishing the same.
“I was ready... I was ready to have a baby, and I was going to tell him that night... but then all hell broke loose, and it just feels like a big slap in the face from the universe. I think that’s what hurts the most... knowing she’s having everything I wanted…” My voice cracks with those last few words. “Maybe we just jumped into things too quickly. Everything has been so perfect since we met, I should have known it was too good to be true.” I try to reason with myself, but it just feels wrong.
“That’s nonsense, she doesn’t have everything you want. She doesn’t have his love or his last name, and she never will. All she has is a child, and if I know my son well, he’ll do everything to have custody of it,” Mira says with affirmation. “You and Silas are soulmates, and I don’t doubt for a second that you’ll find your way back to each other. The universe will find a way to correct its wrongs.”
John returns with a platter of food and coffee, then takes a seat in the armchair next to me. I pick up my cup with both hands and think over what she said.
I know Silas and I are soulmates. I’ve known it from the start. But does that really mean we’ll end up together? That I don’t know.
“I hope you’re right.” I offer her a small smile, wishing I could have faith like she does.
We spend a couple of hours talking and catching up on all our lives, then I leave with a promise to come back. I’m happy I came here. I think it’s what I needed. It may not be my home, but it’s the closest thing to it at the moment.
SILAS
I leave Burkley’s place a couple of hours later, having enough of the celebration even if it’s still going on. I’m in no mood to celebrate. Seeing Cecilia so upset dampenedmy mood even more.
I leave with the intention of going home but end up grabbing Milo and heading over to my parents. I don’t feel like being alone in a big empty house right now.
When I arrive, I take Milo out and head to the door, letting us in. The minute I step through the door, I’m hit with something unexpected. Cecilia’s perfume. Without thinking, I march in and go through every room like a lunatic in desperate search of his wife.
I enter my old bedroom hoping to find her, but it’s empty. I’m standing at the foot of the bed when my mom comes up behind me. “Silas?”
I turn to her and sit on the bed. “She... she was here. I can smell her.”
“Oh, baby...” She sits beside me and wraps her short arm around my big frame.
I place my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my hands. “Oh God, Mom. I miss her so much...”
“I know you do, baby. So does she.”
I look up quickly in her direction. “She told you that?”
My mother smiles and nods. “Mhmm, she’s as heartbroken as you. She still loves you, Silas. It’s clear as day. It’s just hard for her to accept this outcome. But I think she will. Just give her time and the space she needs to come to that conclusion.”
“I know I need to give her space. I’m just scared that if I stop trying to get in contact with her, she’ll think I’m moving on.”
“She won’t, Silas. This break, or whatever you guys are calling it, has nothing to do with the love you have for one another. You know that. She knows that. It’s about everything happening around you two.” Her hand runs along my spine. “I’m not telling you to cut ties completely. I’m just saying that if you give her that distance she asks for, it might be the push she needs to come back. Just find a way to tell her why you’re cutting back but that it doesn’t change how you feel about her.”
She’s right, I have to stop.I’ve called and messaged Cecilia every day since she left. I know she won’t pick up or reply, but I still do it.It’s the only way I feel close to her.I’m just afraid of what could happen if I stop.
What if she moves on? What if me taking a step back gives room to someone else? She’s perfect, any man would be stupid not to try his shot.
“How?” I ask, needing help to do this right.
She pats my thigh and smiles. “You’ll figure it out. If anyone knows Cecilia, it’s you.”
“You’re right.”
“How are you dealing with the whole baby thing? What are the lawyers saying?” my mom asks quietly after a moment, as if speaking of it may be a sin.
“The paternity test came back last week, I’m the father... which means I’m going to be a dad. There hasn’t been much else with the lawyers. She still isn’t coming forward with what she wants out of this, so it’s hard to proceed.” I sigh. “We’ll have to settle on some sort of custody agreement, that’s for sure. It’s my kid, I’m not gonna give it up simply because he or she doesn’t have the right mother.” Talking about it pains me.The whole situation does.
“And how do you feel about that? Being a dad?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Part of me is happy because I’ve been thinking a lot about having kids since I met Minnie. I’m excited to be a dad. But I hate how it’s happening, and I feel like shit wishing my kid didn’t exist...” Guilt instantly eats at me for admitting it.
