Page 128 of Eternally Yours
But now I’m getting hungry and thirsty. Actually, I’ve been hungry for the past two hours, but I’ve tried to hold it off. Now my stomach is just threatening to stab me if I don’t give it something yummy.
I decide to head downstairs and sneak into the kitchen to grab something. I can hear the team talking loudly and laughing, so I know the party is in full swing.They most likely won’t even notice I’m here.
Except when I make it to the kitchen, I don’t go unnoticed. The room dies down to soft murmurs, and I can feel all their eyes on my back.Fuck!
Greyson steps up beside me, lifting his arm to place his hand on my shoulder. I flinch before it even makes contact and glare while I tell him bitterly, “Don’t touch me, Grey.”
He lowers his head, hand coming down to his side but not giving up entirely. He never does. He still tries to apologize every other day, but I never answer his texts. “Cecilia... I just—”
I cut him off, no longer able to contain this anger, this rage bubbling inside of me. “NO! I don’t want to hear a single word from any of you!” I shout loudly, making the whole room go mute. “And don’t you dare look at me like you feel sorry for me! Because you are all to blame, every single one of you that was there that night is responsible for what happened! Not just him!” I point in the direction of the backyard, knowing that’s where Silas is hiding out.
I tried to resist, but after thirty minutes, I found myself looking out the windowand down at him from my room.He looked miserable… just like me…
My eyes grow misty while I continue my verbal assault. “You all saw it happen! You all watched him do it! And not one of you assholes tried to talk some sense into him. Not one of you tried to stop him.” The tears stream down my face, my vision blurring.
A silhouette appears by the sliding door, and I know it’s him. But I also know he won’t come inside. This is as painful for him as it is for me. A love like ours, when broken, never heals...
I turn back to all the faces looking down around the room. Not one of them dares to say I’m wrong. Because they all know they fucked up, it’s why they all look so guilty and feel the need to apologize.
They didn’t only let me down, but they let their captain down, too. He may be the one who always has their backs, but they should have had his that night.
“So please, just leave me alone. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want to hear your excuses. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. And I certainly don’t want to hear that you guys are here for me, because...” I chuckle sarcastically through my tears. “We all know that’sbullshit.”
Clay walks up to me at that moment and wraps one arm around me, the other going into my hair. The same way Silas used to hold me. I shake him off, needing an escape. “I’m sorry, I can’t be here right now. I... I need to...” I search for my words, unable to focus.
I feel lost. I am lost.
“I know, C. Go, it’s okay. I’ll check up on you later.” He takes my face with his hands and lays a kiss to my crown. I close my eyes momentarily, imagining someone else...someone I can feel staring at me.
When I open my eyes, they lock onto his. His greens seem dimmed, like life is draining from them...or love.I look up at Clay and give him the tiniest smile I can muster, then grab my purse and walk out. Leaving my heart on the ground.
From the moment I jump into my car and leave the house, I drive around aimlessly. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, and I can barely see through my watering eyes. I should probably stop on the side somewhere. I know it’s not smart to drive in this emotional state.
I find an open space along the sidewalk to park, then look at my surroundings. I’m in a more residential area, townhouses as far as the eye can see. I turn to look out my passenger side window and gasp.
I know where I am.
Somehow in my dazed state, my subconscious drove me to a familiar place. Aplace I’ve always felt welcome. Silas’s parents’ house.
Without thinking, I exit my SUV and walk around the car, up the stairs, and to the front door. Mira and John always insisted I simply walk in, that I’m family and there’s no need to knock. On autopilot, I twist the doorknob and walk in.
The minute I’ve closed the door, Mira appears from the kitchen and John down the hall. It then hits me what I’ve done.I shouldn’t be here. I’m not welcome here anymore, not with how things are between me and Silas.
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I’m here. I was driving, then I parked and saw your house, and I just came in. I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry. I’ll go.” My puffy eyes begin to tear up again while I speak.
“Oh, honey, come here. You have no reason to apologize. No matter what’s going on between you and my son, you’ll always be welcome here. Why don’t we sit down and have some coffee? Have you eaten? I could get out some crackers and cheese.” Mira walks over to me and offers me a hug. One I greedily accept.
“No, I haven’t. But that would be nice, thank you.” I wipe my tears as Mira ushers me down to the living room.
John comes to my front and opens his arms wide, taking me into an embrace. “Hi, little one. We’ve missed you.”
“I know, I’m sorry I haven’t made a better effort at reaching out... it’s just been a lot since everything started.”
“We know, we understand, and we’re just glad you are here now. You two sit down and talk, I’ll get everything ready.” He gestures to me and his wife, then to the couch and walks away in the direction of the kitchen. We take our seats, and Mira clasps my hand between hers.
“How are you doing, honey? And don’t bother lying to me, I’ll know. You look like you’ve lost a little weight...” The comment isn’t said with malice, it’s simply an observation filled with worry.
“I’ve been better, but I’m still doing okay, I think. I’ve been eating more and forcing myself out of the house. It’s not easy, though. I had some freaky meltdowns in the first few weeks, but they seemed to have stopped.” I take a deep breath as my voice turns to a quiet whisper. “I just feel empty all the time... I miss him so much. But I don’t know how to deal with everything, and I hate myself for not being able to just accept it.”
