Page 1 of In the Shadows

Chapter

One

Did that really just fucking happen?I didn’t know whether to ask someone to pinch me and wake me from this dream or leave me alone to bask in my fantasy. The one person I’d longed for, for as long as I could even remember had said he wants to be with me? After all these years? Falling in love with your best friend wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops. Especially not when their heart didn’t want yours in return. I’d waited in the shadows, not always patiently, but I waited. Waited for him to find me. And now you’re telling me he finally sees me as I’d always seen him?

Standing there, looking around at the smiling faces of our friends and family as they congratulated us. For what? I wasn’t so sure. I wanted to believe it was true, that Joey’s heart was really mine. But we needed to have a serious convo before I’d buy into it. My heart wouldn’t survive losing him again.

I wasn’t sure what the look on my face conveyed. Happiness? Shock? Confusion? Possibly all three. Glancing over at my mother, I saw nothing but elation on her beautiful face. All the late nights we’d spent talking about this, I’d resigned to it never happening, not even being a remote possibility. Yet here I stood, hand in hand with the man I fell in love with before I even understood what love was. It was so surreal.

My heart wanted to believe he meant it when he uttered the three words I’d longed to hear,I love you.

“Boys,” my internal melee was interrupted by Sal’s booming voice, “you embark upon your new journey shortly. But we set up a quick buffet for you and your families to enjoy in one of the suites. I hate to cut this short, but you need to be on the bus in an hour.”

Still silent, so not the norm for me, but I was afraid of how my voice would sound if I tried to use it right then.

Joey nudged my shoulder. “You okay, Stoli?” he whispered, although whispering wasn’t his strong suit and he was usually still heard by all.

My head managed a simple nod.

“Let’s go eat with our family. We’ll talk more on the bus,” he suggested. The uncertainty on his face alerted me to the fact that he was just as scared and confused as I was. How well that would bode for both of us, well, only time would tell.

“’Kay.”

He squeezed my hand in his before he reluctantly let go only to place his palm against the small of my back, guiding me further into the room and toward our guests.

Must snap out of this…

“Ricky, can I talk to you for a minute?” my mom asked, but smiled at Joey, letting him know everything was all right. The group had wandered ahead to the suite under Sal’s insistent guidance, leaving my mom and me behind.

“Ricky,” she cupped my cheek in the palm of her hand, her tiny face gazing up at me, “I thought you’d be happier about this. But you look scared to death.” A small, strained smile crossed her angelic face.

“I want to believe it’s true, Mom, trust me I do. But after all these years he professes his love for me in front of the powers that be and a huge ass audience. How can I not help but find it hard to swallow?” More than anything, the naïve child in me needed my mom to have the answers. But the educated adult in me knew there was no way she could.

“I know, baby, I know. But if you’d seen his face onstage as he sang the lyrics toTime To Move On,you’d feel otherwise. When he realized it was about him, it was like something smacked him upside the head and time stood still. Then when he looked down at you, it all hit home for him. Brett, Joe and I had tears in our eyes. But you and Joey need to work this out – together and in a way that works for the two of you. You know we love you both and will stand by your sides no matter what choices you make.”

“Thanks, Mom.” We hugged before joining the others inside the suite.

Walking in, my eyes immediately locked on Joey’s. He looked fearful, sad even. I smiled, at least I’d hoped it came across that way as opposed to a grimace. I didn’t want to worry him. Right now, our time with our families was limited and we needed to enjoy it as best we could. We only had a couple of breaks during the next eighteen months while we were out on the road, so we’d be going for long stretches between trips home. I wished I could’ve seen my little brother Brandon tonight, but I’d video chat him as often as our schedules would allow.

Trapped inside my own head yet once again, the hair on my neck prickled and when I scanned the faces in the crowd, I found all eyes were on me as I was still standing in the doorway having never entered the room.

“You okay?” Joe’s deep voice right beside me startled me, as I’d not heard him walk up.

“Yes sir, sorry.”

“No need to apologize, Ricky. It’s been a hell of a night for you. But I think my boy is stressing out too.” He lifted his chin in Joey’s direction.

“Sorry, it’s just a lot to take in.” I nervously ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

He clapped my shoulder. “Understood,” he said before walking over to fill up his plate.

Joey was standing off to the side, picking at whatever it was he had on his plate.Time to man up, I thought while walking toward him.

“Hey,” I started, wiping my sweaty palms off on the front of my jeans.

“Hey,” he returned, poking at a cherry tomato with his fork. “Are we okay, Stoli?” He glanced up at me.

“We will be.”Come on Stoli, get it together.

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