Page 113 of Here's to Tomorrow

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Rae

Perry and Maura have been knocking on my front door for the past half hour. I refuse to answer it. Actually, I refuse to move off this couch.

I know I’m fucked when I hear keys jiggling.

“Really, Rae? They’re your best friends,” Haley says, marching through the door.

Just like I have been doing for two weeks, I ignore her.

“Whatever,” she mumbles, walking to her room and slamming the door. I don’t even flinch or care because I’m still too pissed off at her.

Maura comes and takes a seat next to me on the couch. Perry paces.

“Rae,” Maura starts gently. “You need to get out of the apartment. The only place you’ve gone is work. It’s time.”

I just look at her. “Are you for real? ‘It’s time’? Do you even realize how badly I fucked up? Do you even realize I almostkilleda little girl?”

“Oh, come off it already, Rae! No one fucking blames you! I bet Hudson doesn’t even blame you! You reacted—normally I might add—to an extremely fucked-up situation in your past. You’ve been unknowingly living with PTSD your entire life! No. One. Blames. You,” Perry shouts, his face growing redder and redder with every word.

Where does he get off being pissed at me? I bet he knew about it all along!

I glare at him. “Did you know, Perry? Did you know what happened to me? To my mother?”

“Don’t you dare insult me like that. Fuck no, I didn’t know! I’m just as pissed as you are at Haley and Uncle Ted,” Perry exclaims, bellowing the last part loud enough so Haley hears him.

“FUCK OFF, PERRY!” she retorts.

I snicker. Perry notices.

“See,” he says softly. “I know my girl is in there somewhere. Now, go shower. We’re going to Lake Q. You need some thinking time away from the asshole in there.”

Maura stands and holds her hand out to me. “I’ll help you. Come on.”

I sigh. “Fine, but I’m wearing my sweats.”

* * *

We pull into my preferred spot at Lake Q and Perry and I climb out of the car. I grab my favorite blanket, spread it out, and get ready to settle down for some “me” time.

“We’ll be back in an hour or so,” Maura says from the passenger side of Perry’s car.

They decided it’d be best if I had a little time to myself first. I wholeheartedly agreed.

Perry wraps his arms around me. “I love you, sweet girl. Remember that.”

I watch him climb back into the car and drive away, leaving me with my jumbled thoughts.

I feelsobad for what happened with Joey. I know things could have ended so much worse than they did, but that doesn’t make all the guilt go away. Hudson had every right to kick me out, every right to end things. I deserve it.

Sitting down on my blanket, I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them and just stare out at the lake. Like Maura said, this is the first time I’ve been anywhere but Clyde’s since my birthday. Perry dropped everything to come pick me up that day, and I didn’t even speak to him the entire way home. I didn’t talk to anyone. It took me three days to tell Maura and Perry what happened.

Then I blew up at Haley and haven’t talked to her since the moment she told me she knew my “nightmare” was a memory. She must have told my father I now know the truth, because he keeps blowing my phone up every night when he gets off work. He’s stopped by the apartment twice, but never made it past the front door being slammed right in his face.

I am beyond pissed at them both. They lied to me—and everyone else—for years. Years! And for what? My mental health? Because they didn’t want me to be upset? Makes me wonder how much of their concern was for me and how much of it was for themselves in case I ever found out. It’s going to take me a long time to fully forgive them…if I ever do.

I may not have responded to Haley while she was talking to me, but I sure as shit listened.

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