Page 111 of Here's to Tomorrow

27

Hudson

“Just fucking call her already, asshole!” Tucker yells at me from across my desk.

It’s been over a week since I’ve talked to Rae, over a week since I’ve smiled at anything or anyone other than Joey. I’ve been nothing but a bundle of anger, which I feel I’m entitled to.

“It’s not that simple, Tucker,” Gaige tells him.

Gaige is right. It’s a lot more complicated than that.

I feel so damn guilty for letting anything happen to Joey. I was too busy being wrapped up in my “perfect family” fantasy to see how freaked the water made Rae. It’s all my fault. I should have never left her alone with Joey on the beach like that.

I know none of it was Rae’s fault, but I’m still pissed at her for not telling it to me straight about the nightmare she was having or how afraid of the water she is.

I get that it was all a horrible reliving of a traumatic event in her life, one she had blocked out in a way. I can understand that anyone would break from something like that, but I let my kid—my world—be in the middle of it. That’s not okay.

On top of all that, I’m embarrassed by the way I treated Rae after everything. I was so cold to her, so unaccepting of anything she said. I know she’s never going to forgive me and I can’t blame her.

So, I’ll continue to wallow, because that’s exactly what I deserve.

“Bullshit it’s not! Hand me the goddamn phone and I’ll do it. You just hit the green button next to her name. BOOM! Fucking done!”

“Tuck, man, chill. Take a deep breath,” Gaige tries again, always the voice of reason.

“No. I won’t ‘chill’. He’s spent the last week and some odd days doing nothing but moping about and chewing my ass for nothing. I’m damn sick of it.” They’re talking like I’m not even here now. “He needs to get his head out of his ass and fix his fucking personal life or leave that shit at the door. I’m done with it.”

I barely listen as Gaige goes for another round, attempting to soothe Tucker in any way. None of it works.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, man. Shut up or get out of my office and go home. I’m tired of hearing this shit,” I finally tell him.

He looks me dead in the eye. “No. I have work to do and—unlike you—I’m going to fucking do it instead of turning around to cry every five damn seconds.Youget out.Yougo home. Go fix this shit or I’m done. I refuse to work with you like this. I love you like a brother, Hudson, but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of watching you beat yourself up over it.” He sighs. “I. See. You.Noneof it was on you, man.Noneof it was really on Rae. Get your shit together!” he yells one last time before he stomps out of my office.

I stare after him, barely hearing Gaige say, “Tucker was right,” before he leaves.

I sit and think. And think and think and think.

Then, something hits me. I grab my coat and keys and head out the door, going to the one person I know won’t feed me any bullshit, no matter what.

* * *

“Ma! You home?”

“In the living room, dear!”

I walk around the corner to find her doing some weird, incredibly uncomfortable-looking yoga move.

“Damn, Ma. That looks rough.”

“Quite the opposite. It’s relaxing,” she says, unfolding herself from the weird twisty thing she has going on and sitting down cross-legged on the floor. “Something you look like you need to do. What’s going on, kid? Spill.”

I sit down on the couch, facing her.

“I’m not sure I handled the Rae thing right,” I confess.

“Ya think,” she deadpans. I roll my eyes. “First, just because you’re a giant doesn’t mean I can’t still spank your ass for rolling your eyes. Second, you’re right. Simple as that.”

I sigh. “How do you know that though?”

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