Page 112 of Here's to Tomorrow

“What’s my motto for everything?”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

She nods, a small smile forming on her lips. “You saved her, Hudson.”

I screw my face up, not sure what she’s getting at. She pats my knee. “You’ll get it. Don’t worry. I’m going to go make some coffee. You want anything?”

“Have any whiskey instead?”

“I have coffee, coffee, or apple juice. Your pick.”

I sigh. “Coffee is fine. Thank you.”

She gets up and heads to the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I wish she hadn’t. Nothing is coming to me…at least nothing Iwantto think about. I groan and fall back onto the couch, closing my eyes and grasping my head as if that will make me see things better.

Fuck!

IknowI need to forgive Rae. Iknownone of it was really her fault, but it’s hard. It’s hard to get over her not telling me about her nightmare or her fears. It’s hard to look past the fact that she was supposed to be watching after Joey. I was gone for twenty-five minutes tops, and Joey almost drowns. What would have happened if I had been gone thirty minutes? Or, hell, even twenty-six minutes? Where would Joey be? Where would Rae be? What would I have gone back to?

I’ll never know. I’ll never find that out, and I’m so damn thankful for that…but what if?That’s the part I can’t get through my head, the part I can’t get over.

I’m scared, terrified even, of something else happening to her under Rae’s watch, but I know—myheartknows—I shouldn’t be. This all happened because of what happened to Rae, and not any other reason. Rae’s still a responsible adult, and she’s damn good with Joey. I just need to get my head wrapped around that.

“You’re thinking too hard about it,” my mom says. I open my eyes to find her standing in the doorway. “Did I ever tell you about the time your dad left you in the car when you were about three?”

“What? No?” It comes out a question for some reason.

She nods and comes to sit next to me on the couch. “It’s true. It was on a hot summer day, too. Windows up and everything. He had picked you up from daycare and I was still at work when it happened. I pulled into the driveway after work and walked inside. I knew almost instantly something was wrong because you always greeted me at the door. Your father was passed out on the couch, snoozing away. I called your name over and over again, getting nothing but echoes back. My yelling roused your father from his sleep eventually. He was panicked, completely freaking out, calling for you too. We never got an answer. The cops were called and everything. A police officer just happened to look inside the car window a half hour after they arrived.”

My mouth falls open in shock. “What happened? How did dad forget about me?”

She shrugs. “He was exhausted, Hudson. We weren’t in the best financial spot and were both working long hours. You fell asleep on the way home and he just kind of zonked out, forgetting you were in the back seat since I was the one to usually pick you up.”

“Wow. I…I had no idea. I mean, I kind of remember the lights from the police cars, but nothing else. How did you two handle it?”

“Honestly? I was pissed for a long time. You were out there for over two hours, Hudson. That’s a long time in a hot car. The police said we were lucky you were already asleep so you didn’t panic or anything. That would have made it a lot worse,” she tells me. “We didn’t talk for almost two weeks.Two weeks. We lived together and were raising a kid together. That’s a long time to go without talking. It was hard, but then I just realized one day you were safe; you were okay. That was enough for me. I never once stopped loving your father in those two weeks. In fact, I think it made me love him more. My heart did nothing but crave his the entire time. If anything, I think the whole thing brought us closer together.”

Then it clicks for me. That’s what I’ve been feeling this last week or so.

Emptiness.

Yearning.

IneedRae back in my life. She makes me smile, makes me happy. She makes me feel whole.

And I love her. Fuck, do I love her.

Joey’s safe—happy even. In the end, that’s what counts the most. The “what if” of it all doesn’t matter anymore. It’s time for me to find that happiness again—to get back what I had with Rae—because I don’t know how much more of this separation my heart can take.

“You get that worked out?” my mom asks, smiling softly at me.

I blow out a breath and look her in the eyes. “Yeah, I think I did.”

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