Page 96 of Secondhand Smoke
A million things could have come out of Emilia’s mouth, but Nell feared it would be Minnie’s scream.
She was sobbing by the time she was out of the restaurant, yet her face remained dry. It was like she’d cried every ounce herbody had to offer, and all that could come out at this point was nothing.
She grabbed her bike just as her parents came running out as well.
“Janelle, please stop.”
Nell only stopped because of the desperation in her mother’s voice, but she couldn’t look at them. She spun around, facing her parents.
“I-I’m really sorry, but I—” Then she saw it: the look on her dad’s face. Something about it, justsomething, told her everything she needed to know.
He wasn’t surprised. And when she looked at her mother, all she saw was guilt.
“You knew?”
Her father sighed and stepped forward.
Her mom wrung her hands together. “You will never get over this if you don’t—”
“Youknew.” Nell choked on the words.
“Sweetheart, you’ve been doing so much better, we just thought—”
“Oh my god, you . . .” She trailed off as a horrible, screeching thought hit her. She felt what little blood remained in her face drain out. “Didsheknow?”
Her parents’ eyes shifted to one another, and Nell almost lost the strength to keep herself up.
“How could you do that? How could you do that to her? To me?” Her voice caught, and she swallowed before she completely broke down because shehadto get it out. “How could you be so cruel?”
Her mother dropped her face into her hands and began to cry softly into them.
Her father visibly swallowed, but didn’t back down. “It’s time you got over it, Janelle,” he said.
“You don’t care about anyone but yourself, do you?” Nell yelled. She had no idea where these words were coming from. She’d barely had time to think before they came out of her mouth.
“We did it for you.”
“No,” she snapped. “You did it foryou. That’s all you care about. You hide everything because you want to look good to everyone in this fucked-up town. You would rather hurt Emilia and me to make yourself look better. But you’re no better than me. How does it feel, Dad, to know that I’m just like you and that I know it?”
There was only one other person in the world who knew exactly what she was talking about, and she was looking right at him. His hard expression softened into a vulnerable hurt, but he couldn’t deny it. Because it was all true.
Like father, like daughter.
He’d simply had more experience and more time to learn how to hide it from others.
He said nothing. Her mother was sobbing so hard that Nell doubted she even understood the full extent of what she’d said.
“Enjoy your dinner,” she snapped and got onto her bike. They didn’t stop her as she pedaled away.
It was a blessing that the music shop was only a few blocks away from the restaurant.
Barrett’s effect was instantaneous.
The minute she saw him through the music shop window, the anger and betrayal and despair softened into a background noise. The emotions were still there, but just seeing him calmed them into manageable handfuls that she could stick in her pockets and forget. For now.
39 - Barrett
“Now who is this?” Toni said, pausing putting price stickers on some new cassettes to tease Nell as she walked into the store. The twinkling bells of the door suited her perfectly. “Looks kind of like Duncan, but more glamorous.”
