Page 83 of Secondhand Smoke
But she didn’t have one this morning. She’d drained Dad’s stash, her weed was gone, and her last hope had been Bellevue. She didn’t know if she could survive another weekend alone.
Barrett was the only thing that made her feel real.
It’s why she’dkissedhim.
His words, just simple words, had been enough to break through the panic that she’d been sure was going to kill her.
When she looked up, he’d been glowing like an angel.
So, she’d kissed him.
She groaned and dropped her fork, burying her face in her hands. The metal clanked as it clattered onto her porcelain plate.
Her mother jumped, nearly dropping one of the fresh cookies on the ground as her hand flew to her heart with a gasp. “Heavens, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I—” Nell glanced at the cookies—chocolate chip.
Barrett had once said those were his favorite. He’d always loved her mom’s cookies.
“Why? Are you okay? Are you sick again?” The panic in her mom’s words made Nell look away from the batch.
Her mother’s face twisted in concern. Nell took it in.
How long had it been since she’d looked at her? She had dark bags, resembling Nell’s, under her eyes. Her mousy hair had silver streaks, thin enough to blame on the lighting but there nonetheless.
Guilt stung because she hadn’t noticed it before. What else had she not noticed?
“I’m fine, Mom.” Nell smiled, walking over to her and grabbing her hand. It was warm from the heat of baking. “I’m going to go visit my friend real quick. Mind if I take some cookies with me?”
Her mother’s eyes lit up. Any mentions of her friends made her mom happy. She never questioned who they were or why Nell spent so much time with them. As long as Nell was doing something and spending time with living, breathing humans, it was one of the few things her parents didn’t resist.
“Of course! Let me pack them up real quick.” She rushed to put the entire dozen of still-warm cookies into a large Tupperware and handed it to Nell, grinning. “Be careful, alright? And grab a jacket. It’s chilly today.”
Nell thanked her for the cookies and convinced herself it was a good enough excuse to go find Barrett.
She did as her mother told her, stealing her denim jacket from the hooks on the wall and leaving through the front door with the Tupperware tucked under her arm.
She’d been prepared to walk after she’d left her bike in front of Barrett’s house.
Yet there it was. Standing straight up on its kickstand on her lawn as if she were the one who’d left it there. As if it’d been there the whole time.
* * *
If she’d left three minutes later, she would’ve been too late.
Paulie and Toni were lifting the last parts of Toni’s drums into the back of Barrett’s van.
“Yo, Duncan! You finally tagging along?” Dennis waved as she pulled up to the driveway in front of Toni’s garage.
“Oh, sweet. I’ve been saying we need our good luck charm,” Toni added, wiping his hands together. “Where’ve you been?”
Nell smiled as best she could, but she was distracted with searching the area. She’d been confident when she left the house, but the confidence had waned the closer she’d gotten. It continued to fade away by the second.
“Is Scott here?” He should be. His van was, after all.
Dennis clicked his tongue in disappointment. “I should have known you were only here for him.” He sighed, even though he smiled as he said it. “Too cool for the rest of us.”
“Barrett, at least be here to greet your guest,” Toni yelled into the garage.
