Page 59 of Secondhand Smoke
She used to hate getting even a speck of dirt under her nails, but she was lucky she’d managed to crawl into and sit in the shower today to wash off a few days of dirt and grime that would have made her mother squirm. “I don’t mind.”
“Great,” Dennis said and plopped onto the ground, lying back with his arms folded behind his head to prop them up. “’Cause you’re gonna wanna get comfy.”
Paulie and Toni followed suit, leaving only Barrett and Nell standing up as the others looked up at the cloudless sky.
Nell was about to sit down when Barrett stopped her with his hand on her upper arm.
“Hold on,” he said and let go to shrug off his denim vest. He spread it out onto the ground and motioned for her to continue.
Nell stared at him. There was that butterfly in her stomach again.
She lowered herself onto the cloth. It didn’t make the ground more comfortable, or much cleaner for that matter, but it was probably one of the nicest things anyone had done for her in a very long time.
“Thank you,” she said.
“My pleasure.”
Soon, Nell was lying between Toni and Barrett, all of them staring up at the stars as they bickered and chatted and laughed about things that Nell didn’t know how to add to but was content listening to.
“Bar, do us the pleasure of dispersing the goods,” Toni said, sitting up.
“You could ask nicely,” Barrett said, but he was already up and fiddling with something in his pocket.
Soon, they were all up, presented with a couple of blunts and lighters to start their celebration. Dennis lit the joint, and then it passed down the line to Paulie then Toni. Then Nell held the stick in her hands and pulled it to her mouth.
She sensed the familiar effects as soon as they hit: feet buzzing, vision slowing, and worries melting away. She copied the others with her arms folded behind her head and her eyes on the stars.
She still wasn’t sure if she was a burden or a delight, but it sure made it easier to pretend they wanted her around.
She laughed at something Dennis said, giggling uncontrollably with Toni and catching Barrett’s eyes that were already watching her. She found it harder to be shy in this mindset. She grinned at him, and he flipped onto his side so his head was resting on his hand as he gazed at her. She couldn’t decide whether thatlookwas dreaminess or mindlessness. The moonlight and stars and dark inhibition could be distorting her view, but maybe that delicious, lazy smile was meant only for her.
She couldn’t bring herself to look away. That same magnetic presence he had on stage dragged her in.
His warm eyes made time slow. It grew into a thick molasses, seconds dripping by the hour.
Her tongue grew heavy in her mouth, trying to form the right words to say to him, but no shape felt right on her lips. He lefther speechless, but all she wanted to do was talk so that his attention wouldn’t leave her.
“What about the hot chick Barrett was hanging out with in Bellevue?” Paulie asked.
Nell stilled.
The slow dripping of time sped up.
She was back, a knife severing her pull toward him and her mouth clamped shut.
She broke his gaze to look at Paulie, hoping she’d just imagined what he’d said.
She had no idea what they had been discussing before, only that it ended in some hot girl for Barrett.
“What girl?” She didn’t mean to say it. The words just slipped out through her unfiltered mind.
“Yeah, she looked like a sexy vampire,” Dennis said. “She was all over him.”
Nell’s heart dropped into the stony ground under her back, her worry-free mindset drifting away with the joint’s smoke. Nell tried to cover it up by laughing, but it strained in her throat.
She avoided Barrett, but Toni watched her. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he said carefully, like he was trying not to break something fragile. “They talked for, like, three minutes.”
“She wasn’t my type.” Barrett’s voice rumbled behind her back, and she could feel it through the air.
