Page 34 of Secondhand Smoke
“Oh, come on, look at her.” Toni gestured to the living room again.
Over the sounds of Metallica from the record player, Paulie was telling Janelle how Cliff Burton was the best bass player toever exist, before his death a couple of years ago, and now Paulie aspired to live up to him. She nodded, listening to the story with the perfect amount of awe.
She was so good at that—looking like she cared. But seeing her smile and her responses, Barrett thought she actually might. She really seemed interested in their stories, favorite songs, and random drunken thoughts.
She made people feel like their dumb music and stupid hobbies and hopeless selves mattered to her. If no one else, at least she cared.
“She doesn’t look uncomfortable to me.”
No, she didn’t. She looked like she belonged.
Which was an absurd thought.
Janelle Duncan, belonging withthem.
No, he was sure he was over his crush. That was a long time ago.
13 - Nell
Nell sipped the water Barrett had brought her, enjoying the album Paulie had put on before he passed out, followed by Dennis, then Toni.
Now, she and Barrett were the only ones still conscious, and the alcohol and weed had mellowed into a soft buzz.
Full circle.
Normally, she would have been passed out on her bed on hidden garage whiskey, but instead, she was quite comfortable on the soft, hugging cushions of Barrett’s couch after probably her best day in the past three months—a seemingly random day to be considered her best.
It was nice interacting with a group of humans who didn’t either coddle her in hypothetical bubble wrap or wish her a harsh and terrible future.
“I’m sorry our lessons were disrupted,” Barrett said, drinking some water of his own from a plastic bottle. She didn’t think he was drunk at all tonight. He had denied every single joint pass, and other than one beer, had drank only water and a New Coke. “They’re douchebags, but they’re my douchebags.”
Nell giggled and grinned. “I like them. I wish I’d known you guys were so fun.”
“We’ve always been fun. You just had to give us a chance.”
Nell smiled, sadly this time. She’d worried so much about things in high school—grades, her friends, and popularity.Indeed, she’d never given Barrett and his friends a chance in high school. Not only was she preached about the dangers of being around kids like him, but she’d had a reputation to uphold. Associating with him in any way would have been damning.
Of course, she’d learned soon after how inconsequential popularity and grades were.
She hadn’t thought about it until now, but that had to be why she’d jumped on the offer to stay with them tonight. She was starved for a real, unhostile interaction with other human beings, short lived as it was.
“I should get going,” she said from her spot, because all good things come to an end.
She rose. So did Barrett.
“You sure? You can stay the night again.”
She glanced at the three guys passed out around the room. Each one had a pillow and blanket, administered by Barrett. None of them were capable of hearing or misinterpreting Barrett’s meaning by her “staying the night again”. She wondered if he had told them about it.
“I need to go. My parents freaked out last time.”
“Right.” He nodded. “Let me drive you—”
“No,” Nell said too quickly. She cleared her throat and tried again. “No. I prefer my bike. The night air is nice.”
“You can’t ride a bike in your condition.”
“I’ll walk it then.”
