Page 126 of Secondhand Smoke
He didn’t want to give in.
He was furious. At her, at himself.
How could she not tell him? How could she lie? How long had this been happening?
How had he not noticed?
He’d always had this image of her—pristine, sweet, and healing. He hated himself for holding her to this standard, to the point of not seeing her issues.
He’d thought she was happy, but she was just high.
Doubt circled everything now. Every kiss, every touch, every word.
Through highway hypnosis, he’d managed to drop everyone off and get him and Nell home without incident. Without exchanging any words through a very tense drive.
He walked in first, with Nell trailing behind him with her head down.
The house was silent with Ron out at work, and Barrett walked into his room, tossing his weekend bag to the side and falling down onto his bed. He threw his arm over his face.
Nell stood in his doorway. He could hear her shifting on her feet, unsure if she was welcome to enter or not.
He wondered if she would say anything or not.
“Do . . .” she finally mumbled. “Do you want to talk?”
He hated himself.
She spoke, and he wasthisclose to sitting up and pulling her to him. Her voice almost melted him on the spot.
Almost.
“No.” He didn’t trust himself to take his arm off his face and look at her. “Not right now.”
There was a long moment of silence, followed by a soft sigh. “Later then. I’ll go take a shower.”
His bedroom door closed. He listened carefully to her soft footsteps treading down the hallway until the bathroom door closed. He waited for the shower to turn on before he sat up again.
At some point, he decided to check it.
He got up and walked to his dresser, pulling open the sock drawer.
He hadn’t touched his stash in a long time. Ever since stuff had picked up in Bellevue, he hadn’t needed to. The cash from there more than made up for what he’d been dealing in a small town like Gemsburg, and he’d been eager to drop it.
But the stash remained there. Untouched.
He shuffled through it, finding the tin lunch box and opening it up.
He dropped his head, letting out a deep breath and closing his eyes as he cursed under his breath.
Every single little white baggie was gone.
49 - Nell
Nell could not sleep. She could not eat. She could not drink.
She nibbled furiously on her thumb nail, and when that was gone, she moved to the next.
Barrett slept on the ground next to the bed without talking about it. He left for work at the shop without talking about it or eating the eggs she made him.
