Page 109 of Secondhand Smoke
For the memories to evaporate once she crossed the town line? For the population number to change? For the world to right itself?
She’d thought she would be alright once she got out. She’d thought she was ready for the drive. She’d thought that once she saw Barrett performing on stage again, everything would go back to the way it was at The Pour House, and she would forget and be happy away from everything else.
Instead, she was watching a girl she didn’t know in a skin-tight, black dress and an Elvira wig plug a nostril and snort in a line of white powder. The girl looked up at her, wiping stray white flecks from the tip of her nose and blinking rapidly.
“See? Not so hard. Now you do it,” Elvira said, her eyes dilated to black pools as she wiped her nose with her arm.
Nell hesitated. The weed she’d smoked was weak. The lull of alcohol had evaporated from her system the minute that guy from LA showed up and shattered the last remaining hope she had.
Why did nothing work? Why did her mind betray her? Why was she not strong enough?
The girl watched her, giggling at her hesitance. “Trust me. It’s a lot healthier than that drink you’ve been throwing back.”
Seeing that producer talking to Barrett about Los Angeles and making music was like watching a rock disintegrate into sand and slip through her fingers.
She had barely survived the drive to Bellevue. That was only an hour and had her hunched over her toilet bowl for another hour when they got to their motel. But she was proud of herself. She’d made it, she thought.
Los Angeles.She didn’t even know how far that was. And she knew now that running out of Gemsburg didn’t fix her problems like she’d thought it would.
If running only weakened her legs and drinking only burned her throat, and Barrett would eventually leave for somewhere far away, what would she have left?
Elvira nudged her, and Nell had no other choice.
She leaned forward and did exactly what she’d been shown.
She didn’t expect the effect to be instantaneous.
She breathed in, then out, then in, then out.
Then the next breath she took was just so . . .good.
Elvira looked at her eagerly, her loopy smile growing as Nell sat straighter, more aware of her lungs and the lights and the happy bubble of her chest, and less aware of her face.
“I told you!” Elvira was on her feet and pulling Nell by her hands to follow. “Let’s dance!”
So Nell danced with this savior stranger and forgot everything else.
I feel so much better.
* * *
“Nell.”
Nell opened her eyes and paused spinning to follow his voice.
Barrett was the cherry on top of this high.
“Scott!” she yelped and wrapped her arms around him.
He stumbled, clearly not expecting her to react that way.
“Jesus.” He chuckled and pulled back to look down at her. His brow raised. “You’re drunk. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Did you hear—”
Nell giggled and avoided answering by pressing her lips to his. When she pulled back, a lopsided grin was a nice little present for her. “I’m so proud of you guys. Seriously, I’m not surprised. Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you on stage, I justknewyou were meant to be there, you know? Like, I even thought to myself, ‘Wow, he’s really hot. He knows what he’s doing.’”
She thought Barrett’s face might have been a little red, but it was too dark to be sure. “You thought I was hot?”
Nell buried her face into the side of his jaw. He smelled so good. She pressed up against his chest. Hefeltso good.
